Hanyou: The Musical!
by Solvdrage
Summary: So, Naruto's a Hanyou, Sakura has horrible luck, Sasuke's an alleged Evil Genius, Hinata's the Team Mom, and the rest of the Konoha 12 are along for the ride. God help us all.
1. Thanks a Lot, Team Seven!

"Man, my team sucks, I can't believed they forgot about me! I mean, if they're just going to ditch me, then all that 'Team Seven is one,' crap is...crap!" Naruto loudly complained as he squirmed against the post. Team Seven had completely forgotten about Naruto after Kakashi-sensei had passed the Genin. Naruto had thought that Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi would be back and untie him.

That was nearly half an hour ago. Naruto was starving, annoyed, and generally ready to punch the next person who showed up. Unfortunately, he was still tied to the post.

"Seriously..." Naruto groaned. "I wonder if I'll be put on the Memorial Stone if I starve to death on my Genin Test because I was abandoned by my team?"

"I'm afraid you must be killed by an enemy to earn a spot on the Memorial Stone," a voice Naruto didn't recognize answered. The newcomer's voice was muffled behind a mask. Naruto grimaced at the false friendliness in the voice.

"Does Sasuke count as an enemy? We've never gotten along. I mean, aren't teams supposed to be loyal to each other?" Naruto asked with a pout.

"Loyalty to one's fellow shinobi and to Konoha is the most important virtue one can have," the masked ninja responded with a nod. Naruto was shocked that he actually heard sincerity in the short ANBU's voice. The ANBU untied Naruto. "It is a shame that you cannot trust your teammates."

"Yeah, it really sucks," Naruto said as he stood up and stretched. "Um, don't take this the wrong way, but aren't you a little short for an ANBU?"

"Isn't your dick a little short for a boy?" the ANBU responded without missing a beat. Naruto sputtered incoherently for a moment.

"Well your mom thought my dick was big enough you pale-faced, midriff-exposing, ghostly, cunt-punting _monkey_," Naruto yelled at the ANBU while waving his arms theatrically. The ANBU did not give Naruto any time to savor his epic insult. The young ANBU agent punched Naruto in the face.

"I will have to remember that insult. I can see how that would be very offensive to one who knew who their mother was," the pale-faced ANBU said respectfully as he picked up the unconscious Jinchūriki. In an instant, the ANBU body-flickered to a location outside the training ground. He approached a hidden tunnel. The ANBU activated a blood seal and entered a natural tunnel made of volcanic gabbro rock. Eventually, the ANBU reached an auditorium. He placed the knocked-out Jinchūriki on the ground and knelt.

"Well done," a gravelly voice split the darkness. An older man hobbled from the shadows. His right eye was covered by bandages and his right arm was concealed inside his robes.

"Thank you, Lord Danzō," the ANBU responded mechanically.

"Tell me, my agent, what is your opinion on the Jinchūriki?" Danzō asked sternly.

"He will make a fine instrument in your ascent to Hokage, my lord..." the ANBU answered.

"Is there something you wish to add?"

"Only that it is a shame the Jinchūriki's elevation will eliminate his sublime mastery of insults," the ANBU said quickly. Danzō rolled his one eye and chose to ignore the sudden blabbering of his most promising young instrument.

"Regardless, I have a mission for you. A border prince in the Land of Wind is diverting missions back to Suna. We cannot allow any financial security to return to Suna. Eliminate this...annoyance," Danzō commanded.

"I will leave at once, my Lord," the young man rose to his feet as the doors opposite from him opened. Two other agents emerged and collected the still unconscious Naruto and dragged him away. Danzō looked down and smiled.

"Soon, I will be invincible!"

* * *

><p>The Third Hokage was not in a good mood. Scratch that, he was in a horrible mood. If he did not have access to some very strong tobacco, the majority of Team Seven would be very dead. He had originally been very pleased that Kakashi had finally passed a team. The fact that Naruto and Sasuke had some faint common ground was even better.<p>

Then he found out that Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke had left Naruto tied to the post. They had just left him there with no food or water.

In the middle of summer.

"You three are widely considered geniuses amongst the ranks of my shinobi," Hiruzen began. He scowled at Sasuke and Sakura who brightened at the compliment. "But you have demonstrated that you are complete idiots. Uzumaki Naruto is _missing_. He never returned to his home after you left him _tied to one of the posts at Training Ground Three_."

Team Seven wisely decided not to speak. The God of Shinobi breathed out a large puff of tobacco smoke. "If Iruka had not checked Naruto's apartment last night after he missed their congratulatory dinner, we would have likely never realized he was missing. Tell me, _geniuses,_ when would you have checked on your teammate?" Once again, Team Seven remained utterly silent. The Third made a hand signal and a very worried-looking Umino Iruka opened the door and called for the Hokage's other appointment to enter.

Teams Eight and Ten entered the office. Yamanaka Ino sat next to Sakura, but only because Sasuke had no open chairs near him. The two Jonin instructors, Asuma and Kurenai, looked at Kakashi in utter disbelief. The other Genin each had very different reactions to the situation.

"Hey, if Naruto is really missing, maybe I'll be put on Sasuke-kun's team," Ino whispered to Sakura and earned a glare from her former best friend.

"I have summoned all of you here for an A-ranked mission," Sarutobi announced while ignoring the brewing cat fight between Ino and Sakura. "Uzumaki Naruto is missing. Your mission is to locate and, if possible, recover your missing comrade."

"A-ranks are such a drag, but if it's to find Naruto, I guess I'll put some effort into this," Shikamaru halfheartedly complained.

"I can't believe we've already got an A-rank! This is so awesome," Kiba said to Akamaru excitedly.

"Why don't more of you care that Naruto-kun is missing?" Hinata asked so quietly that no one realized she had spoken.

The Third Hokage slammed his fist onto his desk to interrupt the numerous simultaneous conversations. "You are to begin the mission immediately. Team Seven, you also have this mission, but will not be paid for its completion. Dismissed!"

The rookie Genin teams and their Jonin senseis departed quickly. The Hokage's tone brooked no argument. The Jonin gathered at the posts to discuss their search patterns. At least, that is what they told their students.

"What the hell were you thinking, Kakashi?" Asuma asked heatedly. Kurenai simply crossed her arms and stared at Kakashi in anticipation of his answer.

"I _thought_ Naruto was capable of using the Rope Escape Technique. He showed incredible potential in the Bell Test and I thought he could handle such a simple technique," Kakashi responded sternly. "All Academy Graduates must know the Rope Escape Technique."

Kakashi's response mollified the other Jonin somewhat. They, however, were still greatly offended by Kakashi's handling of the situation. The Jonin quickly refocused on their mission and developed search patterns. Team Ten would search Konoha. Team Eight would search the training grounds. Kakashi and his two students would follow up on any leads discovered by the full teams.

The Jonin became completely focused on the mission as they separated. Kurenai approached Team Eight and took a moment to compose herself. She was a relatively 'green' Jonin and had only been an official Jonin-sensei for less than twenty-four hours. Now, her Genin were on an A-rank mission to locate Konoha's missing Jinchūriki, though her charges would not know that. This was her first big test. Kurenai, surprisingly, was thankful for the A-rank. The mission was undeniably important, but the risk was almost nonexistent compared to the standard A-rank mission. Team Eight would gain invaluable confidence and experience in this mission. Kurenai's biggest challenge would be keeping Team Eight confident, but not _overconfident. _

_'I should follow my own advice. We haven't even started this mission and I'm already considering it completed,' _Kurenai scolded herself.

"Team Eight, our role in this mission is to search the Training Grounds and surrounding areas for any clues to Uzumaki Naruto's disappearance. Hokage-sama has given us clearance to make use of radio communication for this mission," Kurenai began to brief her students, no subordinates she reminded herself. She couldn't bring herself to establish that level of personal attachment to her team until she was confident in both their ability as shinobi and in her ability to protect them. Kurenai took in the mood and posture of each of her charges.

Inuzuka Kiba was practically rolling on the balls of his feet in excitement. Kurenai had expected the young man's reaction and fully expected him to 'take point' on this, and likely most of Team Eight's missions. Her job as a Jonin-sensei would be to temper this enthusiasm and energy into purpose.

Aburame Shino was a paragon of his clan's pursuit of logic and emotional equilibrium. Shino would be invaluable in helping Kiba learn to control focus his emotions. The Aburame boy would also provide a solid foundation for the team. Kurenai would begin grooming Shino for Chunin as soon as possible.

Finally, Kurenai flashed a quick grin at Hyūga Hinata. Originally, Kurenai believed the smile would put the girl's concerns at ease. The Jonin nearly let her surprise show at Hinata's determination. The Hyūga heiress had steel in her eyes. Kurenai resolved to ask Hinata about this change in attitude after the mission. Hinata needed to know _someone _was proud of her.

Kurenai continued her briefing. "The radios will allow us to maintain constant contact with each other. Remember, we are searching for a kidnapped comrade and on an A-rank mission. You must be alert and professional. We will find our missing comrade," Kurenai finished and released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.

"Kurenai-sensei, how often should we establish radio contact?" Shino asked.

"Every twenty minutes. I want you all to contact me on frequency twelve. I want you to contact me regardless of situation. However, if there is an emergency, a key discovery, or an unforeseen complication, you are to contact _the entire team_ immediately," Kurenai ordered. The Genin nodded and spread out to carry out the search. Kurenai took a calming breath and walked back to her comrades who were carrying on a conversation about the current situation.

"No offense to our Genin, but Naruto is too valuable for rookies to be in charge of the search," Asuma said in a conspiratorial tone.

"Hokage-sama has nearly two dozen ANBU searching outside the village. If anyone captured Naruto, it will likely be foreign agents," Kakashi explained.

"I thought the Hokage's decree was to ensure Naruto's anonymity and prevent incidents like this," Kurenai said offhandedly.

"It was. That means..." Asuma growled. He didn't like where that train of thought led.

"There is a leak. A traitor revealed Naruto's status as the container of the Fox," Kakashi said darkly. Kurenai paled at the implications. If a foreign nation could get Konoha's greatest secret, what else could they possibly know?

* * *

><p>"Hound to Sunshine, you see anything?" Kiba asked over the radio.<p>

"Not really, I...I think there might be something to the north of our current search a-area, though," Hinata responded.

"Hinata-san, what exactly do you see?" Shino said while completely ignoring Kiba's 'code-names'. Kiba sputtered something about 'radio discipline', but, before his rant could take off, Hinata spoke again.

"It...looks like t-tunnels! T-they seem n-natural," Hinata said as she struggled to focus her Byakugan on the details of the tunnels. "There are three entrances about one hundred meters from each other."

"Does this scream 'trap' to anyone else?" Kiba asked.

"Hinata-san, I will contact Kurenai-sensei for further orders. I suggest that you continue to use your Byakugan to discover the nature of the tunnels. Kiba-san..." Shino trailed off for a moment. "see if you can find Naruto-san's scent."

"I'll have it picked up in a minute!" Kiba shouted over the line. Hinata responded quickly to Shino and started focusing on the tunnels. Shino contacted Kurenai.

"Kurenai-sensei and the other Jonin have given us permission to investigate the tunnels. Team Ten is continuing their investigation in Konoha's market district," Shino reported.

"W-what about Team Seven?" Hinata asked. Truthfully, she couldn't understand why they weren't being punished more severely. _'It is their fault, Naruto-kun is missing,'_ Hinata thought. She didn't like the anger she felt, but Naruto-kun was precious to her.

* * *

><p>"You know, this is probably our fault," Sasuke said out of the blue.<p>

"But, Sasuke-kun, Naruto should have been able to use the Rope Escape jutsu," Sakura responded in confusion.

"Maybe, but he was probably exhausted from all those solid clones he was making. Besides, Naruto is our teammate. You know he would have untied one of us. I...I don't think we're off to a very good start as ninja," Sasuke, painfully, admitted.

"Yeah, Naruto's already holding us back," Sakura agreed with the point she assumed Sasuke was making.

"What? No! We never should have abandoned Naruto like we did! We need to take Kakashi's lesson to heart and find him. We owe the idiot that much," Sasuke stammered a bit in disbelief.

"I get it! That way Naruto will owe _us_ a favor. You're so smart Sasuke-kun!" Sakura beamed.

Sasuke stared in disbelief at Sakura. "Oh forget it, let's just find our teammate," the Last Uchiha said in exasperation.

* * *

><p>Hinata couldn't help being nervous as she entered the tunnels. There was the undeniable feeling that something major was about to happen. More than that, Naruto was depending on her.<p>

"I can do this," Hinata reassured herself. She pushed deeper into the tunnels and after a while, began to notice certain details. The walls were carved! The tunnels were originally natural, but the deeper sections had been carved for easier access.

'_I have to let my teammates know!'_ Hinata thought resolutely. She activated her radio, but there was a lot of interference. _'I'm on my own! I...I have to move forward.'_

Eventually, Hinata came up to what was once a door. The enormous metal slab was rent, torn and in some places melted. Hinata stared in awe at the incredible and inhuman power that was undoubtedly responsible for destroying such a massive structure. The Hyūga heiress activated her dōjutsu to see what was waiting for her on the other side.

It was impossible for Hinata to contain her shock at what she saw. The chamber beyond was practically dripping with residual chakra. The sheer amount was beyond anything Hinata had ever encountered. Then, there was the physical damage to the chamber. The room was twisted and broken. Hinata was struck by the mental image of a whirlpool.

But, it was the center of the calamity that took her breath.

Naruto was pinned underneath some rubble. The sight of her crush hurt was unbearable, but the 'strangeness' of his chakra worried Hinata as well. Every few seconds, Naruto's chakra would waver between the natural blue all humans had and a red-hued chakra that shouldn't exist. Worse, it was growing dim.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata screamed. She would not stand by and watch her inspiration die! The Hyūga heiress rushed through the destroyed door and into the darkened chamber. Hinata's Byakugan allowed her to navigate the rubble-strewn room. She was at Naruto's side in a moment. "N-Naruto-kun..."

Hinata gasped at the reaction her whisper of concern received. Naruto swiveled two ears towards Hinata. He then looked up and whimpered in pain. Hinata saw his eyes and wanted to cry. His eyes were still the crystal blue she found herself lost in so many times, but the pupils were most certainly not human. She did not want to cry because of the change in Naruto's eyes. No, it was the pain, loneliness and _hope_ in the eyes that nearly drove Hinata to tears. Naruto's eyes were begging her not to leave.

"I won't leave you Naruto-kun," Hinata promised the boy. She caressed his cheek to help put him at ease.

Her gesture was rewarded by Naruto licking her hand. In spite of the current situation, Hinata blushed furiously. She quickly regained her wits and grasped a piece of debris that was pinning Naruto in place.

"Can you move, Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked in the most comforting voice she could muster. Naruto furrowed his brow. After a moment of thought, Naruto nodded. Hinata counted to three before struggling against the weight of the collapsed stone.

_'I can't fail, Naruto-kun!'_ Hinata screamed against her own straining muscles. The stone budged and Naruto slipped from the metal cot where he had been trapped. Hinata collapsed next to Naruto and struggled to catch her breath. "Are you ok, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto's ears perked up and he crawled closer to Hinata. The next thing Hinata realized was that Naruto's face was only a few centimeters from her own. Hinata felt a heat in her face, and her breath caught in her throat. Naruto sniffed her twice before resting his head in her lap. The proximity of her crush and his unusual actions had sent Hinata's mind into overdrive. Thus, it took her a second to notice nine very important details.

"T-tails?"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>Remember the Poll from a while back? Well, this is a take on Chewie Cookies' "Feral!Naruhina challenge." Prepare for utter insanity. This'll be a Naruhina like always, but there will be a huge focus on the other 12 as well. Please read and review!**  
><strong>


	2. Lessons in Cliched Villainy

"A secret volcano lair."

Mitokado Homaru groaned as he placed his glasses on the table. The male half of the Konoha Council rubbed his eyes in utter shock. "How do we miss a facility of that size? You'd think the Hyūga Clan would have noticed that before!"

"Homaru-san, you do realize that Hyūga have difficulty seeing underground, yes?" Utatane Koharu questioned her teammate and associate.

"That may be so, but how did we miss Danzō's slide into clichéd villainy? I mean, what are we going to discover next? That he had a secret army or screwed up a black-op that ended up creating an enemy of Konoha with a God Complex?"

Everyone in the room suddenly felt nervous for a few moments. They eventually decided to ignore the problem. That strategy had worked very well for years. Konoha had been ignoring the fact that Uchiha Madara's body had never been recovered after the apocalyptic battle that created the Valley of the End.

If _that_ hadn't come back to bite Konoha in the rear, Danzō's clichéd villainy couldn't be that big of a problem.

"Our investigations into Danzō's illicit activities will continue," Hiruzen promised his teammates.

Koharu nodded. "Excellent, Hiruzen. I am curious as to your plans regarding Uzumaki Naruto."

"Naruto's new appearance will be a problem with the civilians," Homaru added.

"Unfortunately, his new personality will also be a complication. He has currently...taken on a few animalistic tendencies. We have arranged for Yamanaka Inochi to exam young Naruto once he returns from his A-rank mission," The Third Hokage added.

"Where is Uzumaki Naruto now?" Koharu asked. "If his...mental condition has deteriorated it would be...problematic...if he was unsupervised at his home."

"Do you need some water? It looked as if you were about to cough," Hiruzen interrupted.

"I'm fine," the councilor assured the Hokage. "I have a bit of a cold. I believe I caught it from my grandson."

"Ah, young Udon and Konohamaru are good friends. We should get together for a training or play day," Sarutobi Hiruzen said in a pleased tone of voice. Mitokado groaned. He knew how his oldest friends got when they talked about their grandchildren. It wouldn't surprise Mitokado if Hiruzen or Koharu would stop and talk about Konohamaru or Udon if _Orochimaru_ asked about the children in the middle of a battle.

"As Koharu asked, Hiruzen, where is Naruto?" Mitokado asked in an attempt to get the meeting back on track.

Hiruzen re-lit his pipe and took a contemplative puff. "Naruto is currently under the care of the Hyūga Clan, specifically young Miss Hyūga Hinata."

"Well, that guarantees that our young Jinchūriki will receive the most attentive care," Homura said while nodding.

Koharu nodded in concert. "Indeed. However, Hinata-sama's crush on him and Naruto's obliviousness seems a bit contrived."

"You cannot really blame the boy," Hiruzen defended Naruto. "He, tragically, has been forced into near-total social isolation."

"Still, he should have had at least _some _inkling of Hinata-sama's...interest,_" _Koharu retorted.

Hiruzen was about to launch into some rambling explanation of Naruto's inability to read body language when Homura coughed. The cough was so overly theatrical that the Hokage rolled his eyes.

"While this discussion about young Uzumaki Naruto's love life is _fascinating_, could we discuss the very real problem of _someone leaking classified information?_ I, sincerely, believe that a major failure of our counter-espionage measures needs to be addressed," Mitokado ground out.

Mitokado Homura's teammates nodded sagely. Hiruzen took a pair of puffs on his pipe before beginning to speak. "Yes, Homura. We have confirmed that it was Danzō and his agents alone were responsible for the abominable kidnapping and experiments that transformed Naruto. But...our investigations have uncovered numerous enemy agents."

"Hiruzen, have we moved to capture these enemy agents?" Koharu asked somewhat impatiently.

The Hokage smiled and nodded back at his close friend and teammate. "ANBU and T&I are moving now to capture the enemy agents."

The Konoha Council grinned proudly. It would be a great show of strength to rid Konoha of many of the spies hiding amongst the populace. They just hoped no truly terrifying intelligence would be revealed.

* * *

><p>Yakushi Kabuto hummed as he placed 'Jigsaw', his favorite scalpel, back in its position in his wooden scalpel case. He had just finished passing a bit of information back to Orochimaru's Sound Village. Kabuto had also sent a token of information on Naruto back to Sasori to keep up appearances. The traitorous medic-nin leaned back in his chair and smiled. Everything was going according to plan.<p>

Well, _was _going according to plan. The beam of wood that punched through the door _definitely_ wasn't part of Orochimaru-sama's plan. The wood further splitting apart and restraining Kabuto in an instant prison was now officially mocking the plan.

"Yakushi Kabuto, by order of the Hokage, you are under arrest!" the ANBU wielding Wood Release shouted.

"Your wood! It's...magnificent!" Kabuto breathed out in awe. A second ANBU appeared beside the prison and nodded. The wooden prison shifted and became a nearly unbreakable restraint. The first ANBU created a pair of Wood Clones.

The Wood Clones led Kabuto from the apartment. The two ANBU watched as several other Jonin and Special Jonin fell in around the prisoner. The second ANBU turned to his comrade and smirked behind his mask.

"So, Tenzō, what would your wife say if she found out other men were admiring your wood?"

Tenzō groaned. "Like I've never heard that one before, Wani."

* * *

><p>Sasuke Uchiha was escorted by a pair of Cadet Branch guards through the halls of the Hyūga compound. The Hyūga's compound was very different from the Uchiha's district. The halls were wide and straight. The decorations were of calligraphy and bonsai. In Sasuke's mind, it was all terribly exposed. He remembered the layout of his home. The halls were not as wide and the decorations were weapons displays instead of bonsai, records of the victories of the Uchiha, not calligraphy.<p>

_'Perhaps the differences are in our dojutsus?' _Sasuke thought to himself. He made a note to check the Uchiha Clan records when he made his weekly pilgrimage to _his_ District.

"Hinata-sama and...Uzumaki-san are inside," the Cadet said curtly.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted. He didn't mean to be rude, but he was worried about his teammate. Sasuke felt responsible for Naruto's current situation. He couldn't imagine the pain and humiliation Naruto was likely suffering. The last Uchiha took a deep breath to steel himself before opening the door.

_'I'll make it up to you Naruto. You didn't deserve this. I know better than anyone what it's like to have everything stolen from you,'_ Sasuke thought sincerely. He was in the process of opening his eyes and launching into the traditional greetings.

"Thank you for...**molesting my teammate?**" Sasuke gaped. Hinata had been talking to Naruto in a low voice and playing with his...fox ears. Just what in the hell had happened? _'And why the hell does Naruto have his head in her lap?'_

"M-molesting?" Hinata shouted in surprise and shrank back for a moment. Naruto looked up and Sasuke noticed that his...tails had stopped swaying happily.

_'Seriously, what the hell?'_ Sasuke thought in annoyance.

"I-I was not molesting Naruto-kun!" Hinata defended herself. "He...he is still remembering his human nature after what...after what _that bastard Danzō_ did to him! N-Naruto-kun is having trouble using his arms as arms!"

Sasuke arced an eyebrow. He had never expected Hinata to curse, much less raise her voice. Sasuke had always written off Hinata as a shy, stuttering and, to be honest, very annoying girl. Granted, Sasuke believed _all_ the girls from the Academy were very annoying.

"She was scratchin' mah ears!" Naruto said happily as he sat up. Sasuke went wide-eyed as he got a better look at what exactly had happened to his teammate. The first thing Sasuke noticed were Naruto's eyes. They were the same blue color, but his pupils were vertical slits. Naruto's ears and tails went without saying. Sasuke noticed the other changed facial features of his blond-haired teammate. The 'whisker-marks' on his cheeks were darker and wider than they had been the day Sasuke had...abandoned Naruto. Sasuke was honestly relieved to see that Naruto appeared to be the same happy-go-lucky idiot from before. He groaned as he turned his attention from Naruto to Hinata.

"Don't even think about it!" Sasuke snapped. Hinata's hand had twitched and the Hyūga heiress was _clearly_ going to continue. Sasuke conveniently ignored the fact that Naruto was giving Hinata the puppy dog eyes...and inching towards her...and was mumbling 'scratch mah ears'. "You aren't going to molest my teammate!"

"I...I am not molesting Naruto-kun!" Hinata shouted and balled her fists. The two stared at each other for a moment, daring the other to make a move. To Sasuke's surprise, it was Hinata who spoke first. "Jerk."

"Well, you're spineless," Sasuke snapped back. His natural annoyance at what he believed Hinata to be doing roared forward.

"Your hair looks like a duck's butt," Hinata snapped back.

"What are you, thirteen?" Sasuke rolled his eyes. "At least I'm not boring looking!"

"I _am _thirteen. And since when was modesty declared a crime?" Hinata shouted back. She had no idea where this boldness was coming from. She _did_ know that she really, really disliked Uchiha Sasuke.

"Maybe if you weren't so modest, Naruto might have noticed you in the Academy. I may not like those fangirls, but I at least _noticed them_," Sasuke growled.

"Hinataaaaaa...scratch mah ears!" Naruto whined.

"I wanted Naruto-kun to notice me for me, not for what I wore! I...I wouldn't parade myself around to gain his attention!" Hinata huffed. Sasuke admitted that he had to respect Hinata for that, but he wasn't going to admit that to anyone else. He still didn't like her.

"Hinata is nice! She scratches mah ears!" Naruto added, but his statement was pushed aside by the mutual dislike and the complete-and-utter lack of sexual tension between Sasuke and Hinata. Naruto realized that Hinata and Sasuke were about to fight. The Hanyou vaguely remembered always seeking Sasuke's attention. Naruto also knew Hinata was very kind to him and wanted to help him. There was also something in her scent that made Naruto want to bite her on the neck and take her somewhere secret. Sasuke and Hinata were the two people Naruto had decided he wanted acknowledgment and acceptance from beyond everyone else. He didn't want to see Hinata and Sasuke fight. _'Might have'ta step in...'_

"You know, I'm glad I never spoke to you in the Academy! I'd rather deal with those swooning fangirls!" Sasuke challenged.

Hinata made a dismissive noise and, in complete defiance of Sasuke, started to scratch Naruto's ears. "I can arrange that!"

"You wouldn't!" Sasuke sputtered. Hinata only glared at Sasuke some more. Sasuke returned the glare. "You win this round, Hyūga. I'll see you around Naruto."

"Bye Sasuke!" Naruto waved with one of his tails. Sasuke knew it would take a long time to get used to that. He left the room in a huff.

"I-I'm sorry about that Naruto-kun," Hinata apologized. Naruto pouted for a moment.

"It's 'kay. I just don't like seeing mah friends fightin'," Naruto said with a shrug. Hinata nodded. "Gotta question though."

"W-what is it Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked. She was glad to see that Naruto's intelligence hadn't been removed by whatever hell Danzō had put him through. Naruto hadn't lost any of his human characteristics. They were just...buried beneath certain animal-like tendencies.

"What's 'molesting'?" Naruto asked innocently. Hinata went bright red and couldn't speak for a moment.

"W-well, it, it's..." Hinata desperately tried to compose herself. "I-It is when someone touches your 'special' places without telling or asking you."

Naruto let out an exaggerated 'oh' and swished his tails around. "So, it's like if you surprised me and scratched mah ears?"

"N-not exactly...Naruto-kun. It...it would be like if I...tou-touched _another_ special place," Hinata gulped as she explained. She hoped Naruto would just accept that explanation. Her mind was wandering towards dangerous, but delicious, territory. Hinata didn't think she could take it much longer.

"Like that one spot between my shoulders that I can never reach?" Naruto asked. He wrinkled his nose a bit. There was something new about Hinata's scent at the moment. Something he liked, but wasn't sure _why_.

"N-no..._a very special special place_," Hinata whispered and feared that she would have to come out and tell Naruto in explicit and scandalous terms _what_ the special place was. She watched Naruto's ears and tails twitch in thought.

"So..._that_ place?" Naruto asked as he _finally_ realized what 'special place' Hinata was talking about. Hinata simply nodded. "And from how Sasuke was talkin', it's supposed to be bad, eh?" Again, Hinata nodded. Naruto fell silent for a moment. "I kinda got it. But! If it was you it wouldn't be bad and I'd like it!"

Naruto's statement finally did it. Hinata's mind wandered into a very dangerous place. Her natural modesty and shyness saved her, however. She fainted.

"Huh, I guess she was tired," Naruto said and curled up beside her.

* * *

><p>"So, you're finally up?" A voice asked. The young ROOT agent sat up and immediately drew his tantō. "There is no need for that!" The voice said in a panic.<p>

The ROOT agent notice it was an elderly civilian man. "Apologies, Nearly Dead-san."

The old man rolled his eyes. Maybe he _should_ have left the clearly dangerous ninja on the side of the road. "Do you have a name, young ninja-san?"

"Nope," the ROOT said. "I would like one, however."

"Sigh, how can you not have a name?" The old man asked.

"What did you call me?" The masked ninja asked. He was grateful Nearly Dead-san hadn't removed his mask. It would have been a shame to kill him.

"That was a sigh," Nearly Dead-san groaned.

"Sai? I...enjoy that name. I believe I shall call myself that from now on," the newly named Sai declared. Nearly Dead-san groaned again. "Thank you for assisting me earlier and not simply gawking at my unconscious body as it laid in a ditch."

"You're...welcome?"

Sai nodded. "Well, I must return to my superiors. Though, given the lack of the Seal on my tongue and my ability to speak of said superiors, they are likely dead. And given my profession, it was likely painful and violent. Good day," Sai finished before disappearing in a swirl of leaves. Nearly Dead-san looked at the wine bottle next to him for a moment. He grabbed the bottle and threw it away.

"I am never drinking **again!**"

* * *

><p>Naruto was happily aware he was in a dream. He was in an open field wearing the Hokage Hat. He was eating ramen with rabbit in it. It was a strange combination, but he really really wanted this dream to keep going. Naruto chalked it up to weird dream cravings. It wasn't the weirdest, or best, ramen combination Naruto had ever dreamed of. That title belonged to the one dream where Naruto had dreamed up a swimming pool-sized ramen with a naked Hinata, naked Ino and naked Sakura in it.<p>

"Why can't I have more dreams like that?" Naruto wondered out loud as he slurped down the noodles.

"You don't have those dreams very often at your age. That happens when you grow up a bit more," a man's voice that Naruto instinctively recognized, but couldn't place said.

"Thanks for the advice, Dad," Naruto said as he finished his ramen. Slowly, realization dawned on Naruto. He dropped his ramen bowl and turned to face the voice.

"Wait, _Dad?_"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's notes<strong>: Why yes, Danzō did have a secret volcano lair. I hope you enjoy!


	3. With Apologies To George Lucas

**Preemptive Author's notes: **_"Text Text Text,"_ Represents 'psychic communication'. You'll know what I'm talking about. As River Song is fond of saying "Spoilers..."

Also, this update is just the edited chapter. No plot content was changed. I accidentally uploaded the unbeta'd chapter document last night.

* * *

><p>Naruto stared at the man who had suddenly appeared in his mind; <em>Namikaze Minato. <em>This **had** to be a dream. Naruto would openly admit this was a pretty cool dream. Though the part of his brain governed by his hormones was still wishing for a repeat of the 'Ramen Swimming Pool' incident.

"W-why are you here?" Naruto gasped.

Minato smiled and took a step forward, and was clearly a bit confused. "Sarutobi never told you about your parents?"

"He told me enough. He told me you loved me," Naruto responded and shuffled his feet. It was still hard getting used to his new tails.

"Yes, _I_ am your father!" Minato gestured proudly with his arms.

"Whoa! Whooooooaaaa! That's too cool to be possible!" Naruto shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Search your heart, you know it's true, Naru-kun," a woman's comforting voice washed over Naruto like a wave.

"M-Mom?" Naruto's voice cracked with emotion.

"It's us, Naru-kun," Uzumaki Kushina assured her son.

"This...this just replaced the Ramen Swimming Pool as my favorite dream," Naruto struggled to keep the tears back.

"Ramen swimming pool?" Minato and Kushina asked at the same time.

"It...it was a, uh, dream involving a swimming pool-sized...serving of ramen andacoupleofmygirlclassmates," Naruto finished quickly.

"It looks like we've arrived just in time. Our Naru-kun needs...The Talk," Kushina declared.

"Which talk? The one where were explain how we are in Naruto's mind and not a dream or..." Minato asked his wife.

"I was thinking The Talk where we explain how Naruto is going to know how to give us grandkids-ttabane!" Kushina exclaimed as she pounded her fist into her palm.

Minato shook his head. "I could never win an argument with you before. Why should I start trying now?"

"And that's a lesson for later! Now, Naru-kun..." Kushina started after sitting down on the ground next to Naruto. Kushina, and occasionally Minato, began to explain how babies were made. Minato and Kushina also told Naruto that the act that lead should only be shared with someone special. Naruto nodded eagerly at each word. The subject of The Talk was actually very awkward, but Naruto didn't mind. He was sitting in his mother's lap and she would often say how proud she was of Naruto.

It was everything he ever dreamed of.

"I feel kinda funny," Naruto said after he assured his parents he didn't have any questions.

"_Where_ do you feel funny, Naruto?" Minato asked as he prepared to give Naruto another talk.

"All over, really. Kinda like I just got out of a bath and, like, I was really warm a second ago, but now it's cold," Naruto wrapped himself in his tails to demonstrate his point.

"Oh, you're probably waking up, Naru-kun. We'll be here if you need anything," Kushina assured her son. Those, Naruto thought, were some of the most comforting words he had ever heard.

* * *

><p>Naruto yawned as he woke up. The newly-created Hanyou stretched out like a fox. His animal instincts were still very strong and it would be some time before he acted fully human again. Naruto's new found senses were really useful. Naruto could easily see in the dark. He immediately noticed he was in the same room as Hinata. Granted, he had already picked up on her comforting scent the second he had woken up. However, his human instincts relied heavily on sight. Naruto trotted over to where Hinata slumbered peacefully. He gently nudged her with his nose.<p>

"Ne, Hinata, you up?" Naruto whispered. Hinata didn't open her eyes, but mumbled the affirmative and nodded. "That's cool. You'll never guess what I learned."

"I'm sure it is wonderful, Naruto-kun," Hinata whispered.

"Oh, you bet! My mom and dad just gave me The Talk! I know where babies come from now. Want to try it out?"

"I'd love to Naruto-kun," Hinata giggled into her pillow.

"Cool! So, should I take my clothes off first?" Naruto asked and swished his tails eagerly.

"Oh yes..." Hinata finally opened her eyes and quickly realized this _wasn't_ a dream. Naruto flinging off a sock and hitting her beside table caused her to sit up in a flash. By the time she realized what was really happening, Naruto had tossed his shirt over his shoulders. "N-Naruto-kun..."

"What is it, Hinata?" Naruto asked as he fiddled with his zipper.

"We...can't do _that _tonight!" Hinata squeaked as her breaths came at a hundred-miles-per-hour. Naruto cocked his head to the side and went 'huh'. "I...uh...have a headache."

"_Ouch...she played the headache card. I hate when that happens," _Minato chimed in.

"_I only played that card _once!" Kushina defended herself.

"_Yeah, and I had just come home from a two week long A-rank..."_ Minato whined _just_ a bit.

"_And I think I made up for it the next...few days," _Kushina whispered. Naruto blinked at the strange conversation between his parents. He was about to enter the conversation when he heard his dad giggle in a strangely familiar way. Before Naruto could say anything, he _felt_ his mother give him a stern look. So, Naruto turned his attention back to Hinata.

"So...if you're feeling better, maybe tomorrow night?" Naruto asked. The Hanyou heard his mother shout 'grandkids' in triumph.

Hinata's head was swimming. "M-maybe..." She started to speak, but fainted instead. Naruto hummed for a bit.

"I guess her headache was really bad," Naruto said in concern. He quickly went to the bathroom and got a glass of water and some aspirin. "Just in case," Naruto finished and laid down beside Hinata. He wouldn't sleep heavily, just in case.

Naruto followed Hinata out of the Hyūga Compound. Teams Seven and Eight were waiting for Naruto and Hinata as the pair left the grounds.

* * *

><p>"Heeeeey, everybody!" Naruto said excitedly. The assembled Genin and instructors responded with varying levels of enthusiasm. Akamaru barked and yipped a bit. Naruto rolled his head to the side before responding with a series of yelps, barks, and a few cries. Kiba's jaw dropped at the exchange and he covered his face with his right hand. Akamaru continued the strange conversation with Naruto. The Hanyou looked over towards Sakura and Hinata, but Naruto's gaze clearly lingered on Hinata for a fraction longer. Naruto barked twice.<p>

"Are you really getting _hair care tips_ from Akamaru?" Kiba asked when he couldn't take anymore.

"So, what's going on?" Naruto asked the group and completely ignored Kiba. The Inuzuka boy sputtered in disbelief.

"Well, we have training and I think it would be good for our teams to discuss what happened," Kakashi spoke first.

"_Kakashi better actually train you and not read that...that book or I'll...I'll do something _bad-ttebane!_"_ Kushina said menacingly.

"Mom says you better actually train us and not read that book of yours Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said. Kurenai and Kakashi exchanged a look. The Genin looked at Naruto with concern.

"Did she now, Naruto?" Kakashi asked neutrally.

"Actually she said, 'Kakashi better actually train you and not read that...that book or I'll...I'll do something _bad-__ttebane',_" Naruto recited what his mother had said. Kakashi dropped his book in a daze.

"Dattebane?" Kakashi asked. Naruto nodded, but Kakashi had a strange glazed look in his one visible eye.

"_Go up and tap him twice on the forehead, that always snapped him out of a funk when he was a Genin," _Minato added helpfully. Naruto grinned and made his way over to Kakashi. It took a bit of effort, because Naruto hadn't quite gotten his new balance issues sorted out. Naruto stood in front of Kakashi and tapped his sensei twice on the forehead with a tail.

"Huh, what?" Kakashi asked. "How did you know to do that?"

"Dad told me," Naruto admitted again.

"Minato-sensei?" Kakashi asked in a small voice. Once again, Naruto nodded. Kakashi fainted dead-away.

"Welcome back Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said as Kakashi woke back up. The world-famous Copy Ninja took a deep breath and looked around. Kurenai appeared to be unaffected by what was going on, however, she displayed a flash of emotion when Team Ten arrived. Kakashi chuckled and continued to survey the immediate area. Kiba, Akamaru and Shino were talking off to the side. Kiba was gesturing wildly with his arms. Kakashi occasionally heard 'ignoring me', 'looking at Hinata like that' and 'hair care tips' in Kiba's rant. On the opposite side of the cluster, Naruto was standing between Sasuke and Hinata. It was obvious that Naruto was there to prevent Hinata and Sasuke from coming to blows.

"Thank you, Sakura," Kakashi stood up and stretched. "So, who carried me here?"

"Naruto did...with his tails..." Sakura said in disbelief. It was hard for her to believe what had happened and she had _seen it_. "Just what happened to Naruto? I mean, I've never been close to him...but he is my teammate..."

"No one really knows," Kakashi told the partial truth. "but I'm sure we'll find out soon."

"Morning Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said happily. "Did you have a headache like Hinata did last night?"

Hinata blushed heavily as all the attention was suddenly focused on her. Kurenai _squawked _and flashed Hinata a look that translated to 'we'll talk later'.

"Not really. Now, Naruto, care to explain how you know about your parents?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, it's a long story..." Naruto's tailed swished nervously as he spoke.

"_We can help fill in the blanks, Naruto. In fact, could you make two Shadow Clones?" _Minato asked.

"_Two? Why?"_ Naruto asked back.

"_If you concentrate on us while making the Shadow Clones, your mother and I _might_ be able to slip our consciousness into the Clones for a little while," _Minato explained.

"_Cool!"_ Naruto mentally answered his father. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!"

Naruto had to admit that this ranked up there with putting graffiti on the Hokage Monument as his greatest prank. Sure, this one was unintentional, but the looks on everyone's faces made it worth it.

"Holy shit! It's the Fourth Hokage and a hottie!" Kiba shouted. Naruto quickly didn't like the way Kiba was looking at his mom and grabbed a nearby rock with one of his tails. The Hanyou proceeded to bean Kiba in the head with the rock, knocking him out.

_'Maybe I shouldn't say anything about Naruto's mom after all,'_ Shino, Sasuke, and Chouji all thought at once.

_'Maybe I shouldn't say anything about Naruto's dad after all,'_ Sakura and Ino thought at the same time.

_'Yes! The Clan elders can't say anything now! And no wonder Naruto is so good-looking! His parents were beautiful too!'_ Hinata thought in triumph.

Shikamaru just snored and Kakashi fainted again. Naruto clambered over to Kakashi and poked him twice in the forehead.

"I don't think that'll work, Naruto," Minato chuckled and turned to Kurenai. "Yuuhi Kurenai, correct?"

"Yes...Hokage-sama?" Kurenai asked in awe.

"You wouldn't happen to have smelling salts on you?" Minato asked. Kurenai nodded and pulled some out of a pouch.

"Honey, don't wake Kakashi up yet," Kushina said a bit too sweetly. Minato nodded as he realized Kushina was only a single push from becoming the Red-Hot Habanero. Kushina walked over to the unconscious Kakashi and pulled his copy of Icha Icha from his pocket. "You're Sasuke, aren't you?"

Sasuke nodded at Naruto's mom's question. Kushina grinned and used Kakashi's book as a fan. "Could you do your mom's best friend a favor?"

_'I didn't know Naruto's mom was Mother's best friend!'_ Sasuke thought excitedly. "Sure..."

"When I throw this...garbage-ttbane, could you hit it with a Grand Fireball?" Kushina asked.

"Okay..." Sasuke agreed nervously. The Fourth Hokage and Asuma mouthing 'do it!' made the decision easy. He didn't know what kind of power Kushina wielded, but it was enough to make the legendary Fourth Hokage and the son of the Third Hokage nervous. Kushina threw the book into the air and Sasuke hit it with a Grand Fireball.

"Now, Minato-kun, you can wake Kakashi up," Kushina said in a more natural tone of voice. Minato walked over to his unconscious student and waved the smelling salts under his masked nose. Kakashi woke with a start.

"It's good to see you again, Kakashi," Minato smiled as he helped Kakashi to his feet.

"You have no idea, Minato-sensei," Kakashi found it difficult to breathe, much less speak.

"Well, I believe you all deserve an explanation," Minato spoke with authority. Everyone sat down and Minato took a deep breath. "Naruto, do you want to tell everyone, or should your mother or I do it?"

"I...I'll tell everyone," Naruto whispered. "I guess there's no point in really hiding it, I used to have the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox sealed within me. I look like I do now because I was captured by a guy named Danzō and he did...I dunno. After I was kidnapped at the posts, I don't really remember much until Hinata saved me. Gotta admit, though, I'm not really sure how I know all that."

"Some of our memories mixed with yours, Naruto. It was a side-effect of your old seal, Danzō's meddling and what your father had to do to stop the Kyūbi from escaping," Kushina comforted her son.

Teams Seven, Ten and Eight were completely silent. It was Shikamaru, surprisingly, who was the first to speak. "What exactly was Danzō trying to do?"

Minato was struck by just how much Shikamaru reminded him of his father, Shikaku. "He was trying to alter the seal to force more of the Kyūbi's chakra into Naruto's system. ROOT also attempted to add a juinjutsu that would have forced Naruto into complete obedience."

"M-Minato-sama, how did you appear to help your _son_?" Hinata asked. She was still amazed that Naruto had such esteemed parents. _'Maybe, just maybe, Naruto-kun will get the respect he's always deserved,'_ Hinata added silently.

"It's a long story," Minato started. He looked to his wife. "Should we start at the beginning?"

Everyone nodded and Minato and Kushina began the explanation. They explained the attack by the Masked Man. Minato began a very technical explanation of how he worked some of Kushina's and his own chakra into Naruto's seal. Kushina cleared her throat to keep Minato on track. They couldn't be sure how long Naruto could maintain the link. Minato quickly explained how Danzō had captured Naruto from the training posts.

"After Danzō's seal masters placed the ROOT juinjutsu on Naruto, there was a...reaction," Minato said in a delicate tone of voice.

"Reaction's putting it a bit lightly, Minato-kun! The Seal ruptured and the Kyūbi managed to flood nearly all of its charka into Naruto!" Kushina said angrily. "If we hadn't managed to appear, who knows what could have happened!"

"But what actually happened, Kushina-sama?" Asuma asked.

"You answer the technical stuff, Minato-kun," Kushina huffed. Minato nodded and began to explain how he used his knowledge of the Reaper Death Seal and Time-Space Ninjutsu to separate the Kyubi's consciousness from its chakra. The resulting spiritual backlash caused a massive 'chakra whirlpool' that destroyed the chamber.

"What happened to Danzō?" Kurenai asked respectfully.

"I'll answer that!" Kushina interjected enthusastically. "I tore his right arm off and beat him to death with it! No one does that to my baby...or my future grandkids!"

Everyone noticed that both Kushina and Naruto were looking _directly_ at Hinata. The poor girl went bright red and fainted.

"I have a question," Sasuke stepped in to divert attention away from Hinata. He couldn't believe Naruto's parents were already expecting grandkids. _'What the heck! We're barely out of the Academy!'_ Sasuke shook his head and looked to the Fourth Hokage. Minato returned the look and the nod. "Why didn't you remove the Kyubi's consciousness in the first place?"

"What?" Minato asked numbly.

"You obviously pulled it off easily a few days ago. Why didn't you do it in the first place?" Sasuke asked again. "It would have given Naruto the full power of the Kyūbi without the risk of the demon having any influence over your son."

"Why _didn't_ I do that?" Minato thought out loud. Sasuke had actually raised a very good point. Unfortunately, the only thing everyone else heard was Sasuke questioning the judgment of the Fourth Hokage and the word power.

"Mom, Dad..." Naruto interrupted. "I feel sleepy."

"It's okay Naruto. It takes a lot of chakra to keep our souls in one of your Shadow Clones. I'm proud of you. You did a great job, Naruto," Minato praised his son. The Fourth and his wife said a quick good-bye before Naruto fell asleep and Minato and Kushina dispelled. The assembled Ninja sat quietly for several minutes and simply digested what had happened. Naruto woke up with a yawn.

"Hey Hinataaa! Did I miss any cool training?" Naruto asked quickly.

"She's still out cold, Naruto," Sakura pointed out. "Oh, Kiba is too. I hope I wasn't the only one to forget about him."

The Jonin chuckled nervously at Sakura's last statement. They _had_ forgotten about Kiba.

"D-Did someone call my name?" Hinata asked groggily as she sat up.

"Yeah! That was me Hinata!" Naruto shouted as he jumped, as in a single six-foot leap over both the unconscious Kiba and a dumbstruck Kurenai, over to the Hyūga heiress.

Kurenai shook off her confusion and helped Kiba wake back up.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "Well, I need a drink. Who wants to come with me?"

"_Can_ we come with you?" Chouji asked from his seat next to Ino and Shikamaru.

"Old enough to kill, old enough to drink," Asuma repeated Konoha's official drinking age as he lit a cigarette.

"_This is our chance, Naru-kun! I'll have grandkids in no time! I almost feel bad for having Sasuke torch Kakashi's book!" _Kushina communicated excitedly with her son.

"_Huh, so babies can also be made if a girl drinks alcohol?" _Naruto questioned his parents.

"_Not exactly, I'll explain on the way. But you aren't drinking, young man! It may be allowed by law, but you aren't ready for that,"_ Minato said in his 'Hokage voice'.

"_Then I should keep Hinata from drinking then. I don't think Hiashi would like that,"_ Naruto stated with conviction.

"_But...but...grandkids!"_ Kushina whined.

Naruto's parents faded into the back of his consciousness for the time being. Minato made a quick comment about 'resting' so they could stay in contact with Naruto when he needed them. Naruto thanked his parents. He quickly turned his attention to Hinata.

"Neh, Hinata, I don't want to drink. Wanna go get ramen?" Naruto whispered to Hinata. Hinata, whose blush never really went away, went bright red and nodded.

"I-I'd love to. I enjoy ramen," Hinata managed to happily squeak out. Naruto smiled broadly and took Hinata's hand. Hinata, miraculously, managed to get her blush under control as she returned Naruto's smile. This wasn't how she imagined a relationship with Naruto starting, but she wouldn't complain.

Naruto hadn't imagined a relationship with Hinata before, but he wouldn't complain either. In fact, he wanted to do the opposite of complaining.

"Hinata...I think I really like you!" He shouted. Hinata tensed up and fainted. Naruto sighed. _'Her headache must be back. Oh well, it's something I'll have to get used to, but she's worth it.'_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note and a rant: <strong>First off, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I have no idea why my muse suddenly decided for me to finish off this chapter, but hey, the Muse can be fickle. Please review if this made you laugh.

And now for the rant...I'd really appreciate it if someone could explain to me where all these Sasuhina/Kibahina-masquerading as Naruhina stories are coming from? Seriously. I can understand wanting to add some romantic drama to a story. That's cool...but do me a favor...please put them in the pure Hinata section. There have been a bunch of stories recently that have been pretty much multiple chapters of non-Naruhina content. Heck, one 'Naruhina story' I saw (and won't name) actually _killed off Naruto_ and had Hinata end up with another guy. That kind of story needs to go in the Hinata section or the characters of the final couple section, not the Naruto and Hinata section. There's just been a huge rash of fics like that. Sometimes I think people just like trying to get a rise out of Naruhina fans by posting that in this section. It gets really annoying.


	4. Sic'em Naruto!

Sakura yawned as she trudged down the stairs. It had been a few weeks since Naruto's earth-shattering revelations. Team Seven had grown pretty close during that time. Granted, Sakura wasn't as close to Sasuke-kun as she would have liked, and Sakura had accepted her place as, distantly, third most important woman in Naruto's life. Still, they were all friends, and Sakura was enjoying her new life. The kunoichi of Team Seven grabbed the trash on her way out. She didn't bother saying goodbye to her parents. They were both asleep. Instead, she had simply left a note.

Sakura yawned/sighed/grumbled as she thought about how late Kakashi-sensei would be. The kunoichi was dragging her trash behind her. She tossed the bag into the dumpster and yawned again.

"Early mornings suck," Sakura grumbled and kicked at a stray can. The unfortunate can crashed through a window of the warehouse across the street. It was currently closed, for renovations, and abandoned. Sakura breathed a sigh of relief because she wouldn't have to explain the broken window to anyone. She turned to trudge her way towards Team Seven's usual meeting place. However, a large crash froze her in place. Sakura was wide awake as her mind processed the sound of straining metal. She took off running.

If anyone asked, she was trying to build up her physical endurance and chakra reserves.

* * *

><p>Naruto stared silently at the smashed bedside table. He <em>really<em> needed to get used to his new strength. Naruto had completely obliterated not only his offensively loud and high-pitched alarm but also the beside table it was sitting on. Mechanically, he went through his old morning rituals. The Hanyou didn't really wake up until he heard the familiar sound of the boiling water hit his instant ramen noodles. Naruto sighed as he slurped down his instant ramen. The last few days, even by Naruto's new crazy standards, had been tough. Three days ago, his dad and mom told him they'd have to 'take a nap' in order to maintain their own beings within Naruto's mind. Naruto's parents had promised Naruto that they weren't leaving. It had taken Minato teaching Naruto about the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu transferring memories, a meditation exercise, and three hours of explaining from Kushina to put the newly-created Hanyou at ease. Naruto had found himself meditating every few hours to make sure his parents' presences were still safely residing in the back of his mind.

He sighed happily as he felt their familiar and loving presences. It had been an absolutely life-changing experience. Naruto had always _known _his parents were awesome ninja, but it was mind-blowing to find out just _how_ awesome they truly were. Minato and Kushina's legendary reputation almost didn't matter to Naruto. He was just so happy that they loved him. They had filled him with love since he was born. That knowledge helped make their temporary absence a bit easier.

Naruto stumbled through his apartment and finished getting ready for the day. He used one of his new tails to toss his shirt into the hamper while he brushed his teeth. Naruto's thoughts turned to the other new constant in his life: Hinata. It was difficult to smile with his toothbrush in his mouth, but Naruto somehow succeeded. Naruto really enjoyed spending time with Hinata. He had been shocked how much they had in common. They both liked flowers, zenzai, ramen, and almost everything else that mattered. Naruto had spent a lot of time with Team Eight recently. True, Naruto was mostly there to hang out with Hinata. He wouldn't deny that he got along well with Shino, Akamaru, and Kiba, though. Heck, Akamaru had really helped him understand some of the changes he was going through by explaining why Naruto's feelings for Hinata had suddenly been kicked into overdrive.

Naruto found out that he had practically been in heat. The animalistic qualities of the Nine-Tails had been elevated during the early stages of Naruto's transformation. That fact had kind of shocked Naruto. He wondered if his 'heat' had caused his mom to want grandkids so much.

Regardless, the period had seemingly passed. Naruto's new feelings for Hinata were still there. It was just that his...physical desires weren't the strongest point of his new attraction to Hinata.

Naruto smiled as he thought about meeting up with Hinata after Teams Seven and Eight finished their missions for the day.

"I just wish we could get something more exciting than finding lost pets, painting fences, or collecting cans," Naruto groaned. The Hanyou huffed and exited his apartment. He wondered if his teammates were hoping for an exciting mission as much as he was.

* * *

><p>Sasuke finished his morning rituals and closed the door to his apartment. He enjoyed the quiet walk and smiled contentedly as he reached his destination. It was a small alley near the Uchiha District. The Last Loyal Uchiha, Sasuke rolled his eyes at the excessive capitalization that the civilian newspapers insisted on, pulled a bowl and milk from his pack. He poured the milk and whistled. A number of semi-stray cats emerged and approached the bowl.<p>

Sasuke had a kinship with the cats. They were all pets or the descendants of pets killed when Itachi betrayed the Clan. Sasuke scratched a kitten that rubbed against him in thanks. The Rookie of The Year turned and headed towards the location Kakashi told Team Seven to meet.

_'I hope we get an actual shinobi mission. Maybe I can talk to Naruto about it,'_ Sasuke thought.

* * *

><p>Team Seven trudged along with Kakashi, who had shown up an hour late, and made their way towards the last known location of the Daimyo's Wife's cat. Kakashi turned around and eye-smiled at his team.<p>

"Well, the target was last seen in this area. We should spread out and search," the Jonin said happily

"Or we could be productive," Naruto said with a huge smile as his tails swished behind him.

"What do you suggest, Naruto?" Kakashi asked. Sakura and Sasuke both looked to their teammate in anticipation.

Naruto's grin widened and his ears perked up. "Tajū Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" _Hundreds _of Naruto's popped into existence. "While they look, we can practice something! Like a super-cool jutsu or something!"

"Naruto does bring up a good point. This would be an efficient use of our time. And I wouldn't mind some training," Sasuke agreed with Naruto.

"Training would be good," Sakura piped in. "Do you know any genjutsu?"

Kakashi rubbed his chin. "I'm not sure if you guys are ready for jutsu...but I can teach you something to give you a solid foundation for them. How about I show you an advanced chakra control exercise?"

Team Seven collectively shrugged and followed Kakashi to a grove of trees. The Jonin introduced his team to Tree Walking. Sakura, with her natural talents in chakra control, quickly mastered the technique. Naruto, with his completely unfair advantage of a small army of solid clones, also quickly mastered the technique. Sasuke did not perfect the technique instantly but made prodigious headway. After an hour of practice, the Naruto-horde returned, chasing a terrified cat. Tora, instinctively recognizing the exhausted and lounging Sasuke as a cat-person, leapt into the Last Loyal Uchiha's arms.

"Mission accomplished," Kakashi said blithely.

* * *

><p>"ANBU reports that the damage was minimal. Apparently, Naruto's clones only had two explosive tags each," Iruka explained to the Hokage.<p>

"That is fortunate. Has Miss Hyūga decided what she is going to do with all the cinnamon rolls?" Hiruzen asked.

Before Iruka could answer, Team Seven entered the Hokage's office. Kakashi bowed to the Hokage.

"Team Seven reporting for another mission, sir."

The Hokage started reading through a list of the most obnoxious D-rank missions he could find. Secretly, he was hoping that Naruto or Sasuke would have an outburst and demand a more challenging mission. Hopefully, it would be a C-rank that took them out of the village for an extended period of time. Konoha's economy couldn't handle the inflation that would result when Hyūga Hinata fully realized the implications of the fact that her boyfriend could both legally create an infinite supply of money andwas unaware that he was so gleefully whipped that he would eagerly go along with any of Hinata's shopping ideas. Then there was the issue of the growing semi-feral cat population in the Uchiha district. Sasuke would undoubtedly oppose any entry into the Uchiha district to remove the enormous amount of formerly Uchiha pets. For the sake of Konoha, Sasuke and Naruto had to be outside the village for at least a week.

"Is there a mission that can't simply be completed by Naruto using Tajū Kage Bunshin no Jutsu?" Sasuke asked.

"What about that one involving band-aid testing?" Naruto asked.

"No, the larger test group would end the experiment sooner and deny other teams D-ranks for months," Sakura explained.

"Well, crap," Naruto pouted. "Is there another mission?"

Sasuke looked up. "Are there C-ranks available?" Naruto looked excited about the possibility of a higher-ranked mission. Sakura looked a bit apprehensive, but, before anyone could say anything, Ebisu burst through the doors.

"Hokage-sama! The Sinkhole has reached a depth of forty-two feet and the descent isn't slowing!"

"How can an abandoned warehouse spontaneously collapse in on itself?" Iruka asked in horror.

"So...about that C-rank..." There was a near-hysterical edge in Sakura's voice.

"There is one, but I don't know if you all are ready for such a high-ranking mission..." Sarutobi scratched at his goatee. Inwardly, he was smirking. His ploy was clearly a challenge to both Naruto's and Sasuke's abilities. _One_ of them would definitely try to convince Hiruzen they were ready.

"Perhaps we could meet the client first and then decide?" Kakashi suggested. Hiruzen motioned with his hand and the doors swung open. A man wearing a conical straw hat and simple workman's clothes staggered into the room. He had lifted a jug of wine halfway to his lips before stopping. He sniffed at the wine before lowering the jug.

"May I introduce you to the client: the bridge-builder, Tazuna." The Hokage gestured.

"I just have one question," Tazuna started and pointed at Naruto. "What the hell? Seriously?"

"I'm Naruto! I'm a Hanyou!" Naruto happily explained.

"Riiiight," Tazuna drawled before taking a massive swig of his wine. Hiruzen coughed and drew everyone's attention back to him.

"Tazuna-san has come to Konoha to hire a shinobi team to escort him to his home in the Land of Waves," the Hokage explained.

"I'm not sure if they are ready for a C-rank," Iruka said cautiously. "I mean, Team Seven is fresh out of the Academy and Naruto just underwent his traumatic event..."

Suddenly, there was a pitiful whimper. Everyone's attention turned to Naruto. The Hanyou was sitting like a puppy with his ears flat against his head. His tails were gently, pleadingly, sweeping the floor.

"Please can we have the C-rank?" Naruto asked pitifully. His eyes were moist with unshed tears and his lower lip trembled with emotion. The room fell silent as all those present processed the image differently. Iruka was ready to crack and give Naruto a B-rank. Sasuke wanted to give Naruto a bro-fist for so skillfully playing everyone. Kakashi was wondering if he could convince Naruto to teach him how to do that. The Copy-nin would never have to worry about getting laid again if he could pull off that look! Sakura wanted to run up and give Naruto a huge hug and assure him they'd get the C-rank. The pinkette's survival instincts suddenly flared and she fought off the urge.

_'If I did that, Hinata would probably crash through the window and put me in the hospital to cement her claim on Naruto,'_ Sakura thought in a panic.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile on the other side of Konoha, Hinata was paying Tenten to seal away the eighty-six pounds of cinnamon rolls Naruto's clones had suddenly brought her. The Hyūga heiress felt a tingle in her palms. <em>'Someone almost made a move on Naruto-kun! If whoever they are tries again, I'm going to use them as a Juuken 'partner'!' <em>Hinata blinked at the uncharacteristically possessive thought. She immediately shrugged it off. It was the truth though; Hinata would have _ended_ someone if she made a move on her Naruto-kun.

* * *

><p>Sakura jumped a bit when Tazuna threw his wine jug to the ground. The kunoichi was thankful for the cover. The others would think she was startled by the sudden outburst and not utterly terrified of the Hyūga heiress suddenly appearing and beating her in a possessive rage.<p>

"Damn it, man! Look at how adorable he is! How can you say no to that?" the bridge-builder bellowed.

Naruto nodded slowly and sniffled. "Y-yeah, Jiji...how can you say no?"

"Fine, Team Seven, you have been assigned a C-rank mission to escort Tazuna back to his home in the Land of Waves," the Hokage announced.

Naruto jumped up in the air and shouted in excitement. "Woohoo! I'm going to find Hinata and tell her!" Tazuna sputtered at the ridiculous change in Naruto's mood. Sakura looked at the dust trail Naruto left behind in his rapid exit. The Hokage simply lit his pipe.

"Iruka, if you could please retrieve the Scroll of Seals. There is a new and dangerous kinjutsu that must be added..."

* * *

><p>Naruto sniffed at the air and caught a thread of Hinata's scent. There was something about tracking Hinata down that excited Naruto. He grinned as he moved to where Hinata was training on her own. Naruto clambered up a tree and found a nice spot to watch Hinata start her practice. She only performed a few kick sets before stopping. Naruto's ears went rigid. Hinata was a really hard worker, and she wouldn't stop after a couple of sets like that.<p>

"N-Naruto-kun...my Byakugan is active," Hinata called out. "If you want to train with me, all you have to do is ask."

Naruto chuckled to himself as he jumped out of the tree. He didn't even grunt as he landed next to Hinata. "Actually...I was wondering if you'd like to hang out, just the two of us..."

Hinata went bright red. "L-like a date?" She watched as his ears and tails swished a little bit. It was almost as if Naruto was nervous.

"Not _like_ a date," Naruto said as he closed his eyes. The Hanyou rubbed at the back of his head out of habit. He didn't see Hinata deflate a bit. "_A_ date."

Hinata swooned a bit and nearly fainted. Naruto quickly caught Hinata with his tails. "You must be tired, Hinata. Kurenai-sensei works Team Eight a lot harder than Kakashi-sensei works us. I'll carry you a bit."

Hinata continued to blush furiously and only nodded. She didn't trust her voice at the moment. Her mind was racing due to everything Naruto was saying and doing. There was also the small detail of Hinata wanting to scream **YES** at the top of her lungs as Naruto started to hold her bridal style.

"So, what do you want to eat?" Naruto asked.

"I-I still have all those cinnamon rolls your clones brought me," Hinata admitted quietly. "Thank you for that."

"Oh, do you want me to get something to drink?" Naruto asked. Hinata chewed her lip and unknowingly caused Naruto to blush.

"Some Chai tea would be nice," Hinata accepted Naruto's offer a bit reluctantly. She was worried he'd put her down to run off and get her tea. Instead, Naruto pulled her _closer_ so he could easily make the Kage Bunshin hand seal. Hinata gulped as she decided to take a bold step. She draped her arms around Naruto's shoulders.

_'I could get used to this,' _the two thought at the same time.

Naruto and Hinata found a quiet spot in the park. The pair sat down right as Naruto's Shadow Clone arrived with their tea. Hinata unsealed the cinnamon rolls and handed one to Naruto. Naruto finished off the large sweet in a single bite. Hinata ate with far more decorum.

"Hinata, I have some bad news and some good news," Naruto said nervously. Hinata watched his ears swivel in thought. She had become nearly as fascinated by his adorable ears as his sea-blue eyes.

"W-What is the bad news, Naruto-kun?"

"We won't be able to hang out for a while. My team got a C-rank. We're escorting a bridge-builder home," Naruto revealed.

"I _am_ going to miss you," Hinata said calmly and took Naruto's hand, "but we are shinobi. This is the life we chose. The absences will be a fact of life for us, but they will make our reunions all the sweeter."

She looked up and saw Naruto staring at her with his mouth hanging open just a bit. "Wow, that was almost as pretty as you are."

"T-thank you," Hinata managed to force out after sputtering in shock for a moment.

"Oh, you're probably wondering what the good news is?" Naruto bobbed his head in excitement. His nine tails were wagging happily. "When I get back and paid, we'll go on an actual date!"

"T-to where?" Hinata barely managed to ask. The majority of her higher brain functions were dedicated to an exuberant mental happy dance.

"I dunno," Naruto shrugged. "Wherever you want. If you're there, I'll be really happy."

Despite her gloriously happy shock, Hinata was feeling comfortable with Naruto. He was just being so sweet. Impulsively, she kissed him on the cheek.

Naruto went bright red and quickly recovered from one of the greatest shocks of his life. Naruto decided to return the favor and kissed Hinata back.

_'Best. Day. Ever.' _Hinata and Naruto thought, again, at the exact same time.

* * *

><p>Sasuke was walking to one of his favorite spots to mediate on his hatred for Itachi with a genuine smile on his face. Today, he felt like he had taken a real step forward! Team Seven was going on a C-rank mission. Sasuke was almost <em>giddy<em> at the thought of a bandit attack.

_'Maybe, just maybe, I can activate the Sharingan!' _Sasuke was filled with...hope. It was an almost alien feeling. He was glad it was coming back, though. Everything seemed to be going...right for the first time in years. Sasuke was getting much better as a ninja. The Tree Walking exercise and Kakashi's tips about molding chakra had been a huge boon. Sasuke could now perform the Gōkakyū no Jutsu with only a single hand-seal!

He was also accepting his teammates. Naruto had been through a lot but remained optimistic. Sasuke did envy him for the ability to do Tajū Kage Bunshin no Jutsu so easily. However, that was a minor detail. Sasuke was getting along really well with the blond-haired Hanyou.

Sakura had, thankfully, stopped stalking him. That was a nice change of pace. It was almost as nice as how seriously Sakura was taking her life as a ninja now.

Sasuke pushed aside the bushes that surrounded the large oak tree. He was so deep in thought and so comfortable in this place that he wasn't paying attention. That mistake would cost him dearly.

"Ow!" Sasuke shouted and put his left hand to his cheek. _Something_ had just slapped him very hard in the face. Suddenly, Sasuke realized what had hit him.

It was one of Naruto's tails. Naruto was seemingly on all fours with his tails wagging happily in every direction.

"Naruto? What the heck are you doing here?" Sasuke asked in confusion. Naruto didn't respond, and Sasuke quickly noticed an important detail as to why. Namely, Naruto was being held in place. There were a pair of arms wrapped around Naruto's shoulders.

A pair of arms in a tan jacket.

_'Oh come on!'_ Sasuke growled in annoyance. The last thing he wanted to see at his favorite meditation spot was his best friend making out with his girlfriend.

Whom Sasuke absolutely hated.

"NARUTO!" Sasuke shouted. Naruto and Hinata stopped kissing very, very slowly. Hinata looked mortified that they had been caught for a moment. The mortification quickly was replaced by supreme annoyance. Naruto, who was on top of Hinata, turned his head to look at Sasuke. The Hanyou's face was red, but he was wearing the largest smile Sasuke had ever seen on a human being.

"Hey, Sasuke, wasn't expecting to see anyone here!" Naruto said in a bit of daze. "If you want to train...can you come back...say..."

"Never," Hinata grumbled under her breath.

"In a few...hours," Naruto finished. Sasuke face-palmed at Naruto's statement. This was going to make the C-rank so awkward.

* * *

><p>Team Seven had been relieved that Kakashi had only been twenty-five minutes late. The group had been making great progress even with Tazuna being merely a civilian. Naruto was in the lead and sniffing at pretty much everything.<p>

"You look like you've never seen the world outside of your village," Tazuna laughed.

"Well, the only place outside the village I've ever seen was the Secret Volcano Lair of the madman who kidnapped me because of the demon that used to live in my stomach to turn me into a living weapon. I kind of 'exploded' and got turned into a Hanyou," Naruto explained as he poked at a strange bush with one of his tails.

"You were kidnapped? You actually weren't born like that?" Tazuna was about to cry.

"No, both mom and dad are normal, if totally kickass, ninja. I used to be human, but the torture I evidently went through turned me like this," Naruto said proudly. Tazuna was moved by Naruto's strength of character to remain sane after being so mistreated. He _did_ start crying. His fatherly instincts overcame him and he ran up and hugged Naruto.

"I'm super-sorry for what happened to you! I feel super-worse for lying about the rank of this mission now! I have ninja after me. I should have never lied to someone so adorable who has gone through so much," Tazuna bawled like a drunken baby.

Sakura hung her head at Tazuna's announcement. _'Why is my luck this bad?'_

Sasuke was about to ask about the skill of the ninja after Tazuna when, suddenly, two missing-nin erupted from a nearby puddle.

"Oh crap," Kakashi said right before the two missing-nins tore him apart with their chains.

Team Seven was hit by an emotional freight train, but the years of training drove their actions. Sasuke, enraged at the thought of losing another precious person, threw a kunai that hit a link of the chain and pinned the two rogue shinobi to a tree. Naruto used his signature jutsu and charged the missing nins. Sakura, acting on instinct, ran over to the two Naruto clones guarding Tazuna. The kunoichi had recently been studying on her own at the shinobi library and had learned a single simple genjutsu. It wasn't much and only made the area around her appear a bit hazy. However, she was determined to help her team any way she could.

Tazuna watched the entire chain of events in awe. _This_ was a shinobi team, and they were only rookies! He felt terrible about their sensei though.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Tazuna said as he bowed. He pressed his forehead against the ground.

"Loss? We kicked ass," Naruto pointed out nonchalantly.

"Besides, Kakashi-sensei isn't dead. He probably used the substitution jutsu. Kakashi-sensei is an elite Jonin and Naruto's dad trained him," Sakura explained and looked to her teammates to back her point up.

"Naruto and Sakura are right," Sasuke agreed. "There is no way low-level trash like that could kill Kakashi."

"Ah! You got me!" Kakashi said as he calmly walked out of the nearby bushes. "I saw the puddle those two were hiding in. The opportunity to see who we were up against and test my Genin team at the same time was too good to pass up."

"_TEST? He considered that a _test!_ He put my baby in danger!"_ Kushina roared sleepily.

"_Honey, Naruto handled himself very well. We're proud of you kiddo," _Minato tried to calm his wife while praising his son.

"_Let me have my moment of protective maternal rage!" _Kushina snapped. _"Create a Shadow Clone! I need to 'talk' with Kakashi!"_

"_Mooooom, I'm on a mission! You can't beat up my sensei!"_ Naruto pleaded with his mother.

Tazuna had noticed that Naruto had suddenly zoned-out. "Is Naruto-san okay?"

Sakura turned to the client. "Oh, his parents' souls have probably awakened and are talking to him. They sealed their souls into Naruto to protect him from the influence of the Kyūbi that used to be sealed in Naruto."

"W-Who were his parents? They had to be super-amazing to protect their son from such a legendary monster!" Tazuna was in total shock.

"The Fourth Hokage, Namikaze Minato, and Uzumaki Kushina," Sasuke said offhandedly.

Tazuna repeated Naruto's father's name before fainting. Kakashi clapped his hands together. "Well, this is good news! We'll be able to move a lot faster now!"

* * *

><p>Team Seven was now making incredible progress. They were leaping through the trees. Kakashi had taught them the technique during a D-rank collecting cans from Konoha's river. Naruto had used Tajū Kage Bunshin no Jutsu to pick up every piece of litter along the entire river. The other Genin teams had complained about being put out of work. Team Eight, specifically Hinata, hadn't complained though. Naruto's horde of clones had collected a lot of spare change and bought flowers for the Hyūga heiress.<p>

"Huh, what's going on?" Tazuna shouted from his place on Kakashi's back. Team Seven jumped to the ground and the bridge-builder scrambled to his feet and off the Jonin's back.

"You've woken back up! I'm pleased to announce that we've nearly made it to the Land of Waves! We're less than a mile from the dock you mentioned when we left Konoha!" Kakashi explained.

"I'm super-impressed with how fast we have moved. You have my eternal gratitude." Tazuna bowed. Team Seven smiled at how well the mission was going. The boat ride towards the Land of Waves was mostly uneventful. Tazuna did explain why his bridge was so important and who was sending missing-nin to kill him. Gatō, one of the world's leading industrial tycoons, was driving the Land of Waves into the ground. His goal was to turn the nation into a poverty-ridden warren whence he could 'safely', and cheaply, export his drugs and indulge in human trafficking. Tazuna's bridge would break Gatō's monopoly on trade and free the country from the short gangster's grip.

Eventually, the boat reached the Land of Waves proper. Team Seven quickly moved towards Tazuna's house after saying their goodbyes to the boatswain who had helped them cross the strait. Naruto had taken point. He suddenly stopped and sniffed at the air. The Hanyou's mouth started to water, and he pounced. Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke were immediately on guard. A second later, Naruto trotted out of the bush on all fours with a dead white rabbit in his mouth.

"Naruto! How could you kill something so cute?" Sakura wailed.

"Because it's going to be _delicious!"_ Naruto proceeded to clean the rabbit as the Academy's Survival Classes had taught every Academy Student. He put the rabbit on a stick and started breathing fire to cook the meat.

"Since when could you breathe fire?" Sasuke asked in shock. Naruto finished cooking his meal. The Hanyou took a test bite and sighed happily.

"I dunno, it's something the Kyūbi could do. I just got all his memories and skills," Naruto explained.

An unexplained bank of fog washed over the area. Tazuna quaked in fear. Team Seven took a defensive position around the client. Naruto, however, continued to eat his rabbit.

"I wish Hinata was here," Naruto said wistfully.

"Tell me about it! I bet her Byakugan would be really helpful right about now!" Sakura said as she drew a kunai.

"Well, that and I want to see if she likes my cooking," Naruto sighed longingly. Sasuke simply face-palmed.

"Everyone down!" Kakashi shouted and pulled his team down just in time. A massive sword embedded itself in a nearby tree.

"Your reputation precedes you, **Sharingan Kakashi!**" The menacing voice of the sword's owner stated darkly.

"Momochi Zabuza, A-ranked missing-nin known and feared as the Demon of the Hidden Mist," Kakashi said evenly.

The two elite ninja exchanged a series of challenges and verbal barbs. Zabuza attempted to play head games with the Genin by explaining how he had graduated from the Hidden Mist's Ninja Academy. He then flooded the area with Killing Intent. Tazuna was overwhelmed and nearly collapsed. Sakura wanted nothing more than to run away, she but drew strength from her sensei and teammates and stood firm. Sasuke had felt _true_ Killing Intent that horrible night. Zabuza's Killing Intent could _never_ compare to Itachi's. The Last Uchiha stood firm. Naruto was also visibly unaffected. The comforting presence of his parents gave him incredible courage.

Zabuza and Kakashi eventually came to blows. The battle was furious and Kakashi's use of the Sharingan awed the Genin and Tazuna. Sasuke was curious about the source of Kakashi's Sharingan. The Uchiha knew Kakashi was far too loyal to Konoha to ever _steal_ a Sharingan. A member of Sasuke's clan had to have gifted their eye to Kakashi.

Sakura, for her part, had to fight the urge to wildly cheer for her incredible sensei. Naruto was listening to his father explain the nature of the Sharingan and the incredible skill both Zabuza and Kakashi were demonstrating.

"_You are already an amazing shinobi, Naruto. One day, I am sure you'll fulfill your dream and become Hokage! It will be one of my proudest moments to see you follow in my footsteps and become the leader of our village!" _Minato praised his son. Naruto beamed at his father's encouragement.

"_I wonder if Naruto and Hinata will follow in _our _footsteps and break in the desk," _Kushina verbally smirked.

"_Huh? Break in the desk?" _Naruto asked in confusion.

"_Naruto is too young to learn about _that _tradition!"_ Minato sputtered. Before Kushina or Naruto could respond, Sakura cried out.

"Oh no! Zabuza trapped Kakashi in some kind of strange jutsu!"

Sasuke's mind immediately went into overdrive. He had to think of something quick to rescue Kakashi. There was no way Sasuke was going to lose anyone on this mission!

_'Only Naruto has the power to stand up to Zabuza! But he doesn't look like he wants to fight...'_ Sasuke thought quickly.

"Naruto! I can read lips! Zabuza heard us talking about Hinata earlier! He says he's going to go to Konoha to take her so he can giver her to Kumo! He's also going to make her scratch _his _ears." Sasuke poured on the melodrama. He admitted that the last part about Zabuza making Hinata scratching his ears might have been a bit over the top.

The area was suddenly flooded with the most concentrated Killing Intent anyone present had ever experienced. Sakura couldn't believe how Sasuke manipulated Naruto. There was something horrifically wrong with it. The Killing Intent continued to grow in intensity to the point where Tazuna actually threw up. Sakura was overwhelmed and fell to one knee. Sasuke felt his entire perception of the world change.

_'Oh man, I really screwed up!'_ Sasuke panicked. _'I had no idea Naruto would react this strongly! Wait, what's with my eyes? No way...'_ Sasuke's world was reeling.

Naruto was trembling with rage. Zabuza had never been on the receiving end of such concentrated malice before. The only experience that even came remotely close was the few times Yagura had ever fully transformed into his Bijū. The former Swordsman of the Hidden Mist took an unconscious step backwards. Kakashi was freed from his Water Prison and fled the immediate area. The infamous Copy Ninja knew something very bad was about to happen.

Kakashi was proven right mere seconds later as all nine of Naruto's tails slammed into the ground with the sound of thunder. The very earth began to groan in protest. A terrifying heartbeat later, nine golden chakra arms shot out of the ground and lifted an enormous chunk of earth. Naruto brought the several-ton slab down on Zabuza.

Several thunderous times.

Eventually, Naruto grew exhausted and swayed a bit. "Did I get him?"

"Yeah, Naruto, I think you did," Kakashi assured his student.

"Good. That Zabuza guy won't get a chance hurt Hinata-chan or any of you ever again," Naruto declared before collapsing. Sakura and Tazuna panicked for a moment, but were immediately relieved when Naruto started to snore.

"Sasuke...could you carry Naruto while Tazuna carries me?" Kakashi asked. Sasuke nodded and picked up his best friend. He was very careful not to step on Naruto's tails. Sasuke knew how sensitive tails were because of all the cats he watched over.

"Why do I need to carry you?" Tazuna asked in confusion.

"Because I'm going to take a nap," Kakashi said as he covered his Sharingan with his hitai-ate. He promptly fell forward and started snoring as loud as Naruto. Tazuna picked up the exhausted Jonin.

"That supplier of mine from Suna was right. Drinking just leads to craziness," Tazuna grumbled. "Let's get your sensei and friend home."

Sasuke and Sakura nodded in agreement. This had certainly been an eventful day.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Well, Wave is almost done. I hope you enjoyed it (hopefully laughed a bit). Please continue to review. The response has been great. Thank you all in advance.

And as you no doubt noticed, I changed the rating of this fic and a few others. This is just to be safe with the incoming content sweep. I know everyone is worried and there is every right to be. hasn't exactly been stringent in their rules enforcement in the past. No one has any idea how strict or lax the administration will be in the coming days. I am a bit worried though. Mostly about the 'Detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature is considered Fiction MA and has not been allowed on the site since 2002.' wording of the notice on the main page. How much violence are we allowed? Is Chains of the Kindred going to be deleted because of my descriptions of Chaos Space Marine carving up Flood Combat forms with a Chainsword? Is Unexpected Lord of Foxes in danger because I had one of Naruto's Fox summons rip a dude's head off? **That** is what has me worried more than anything. I believe the best solution is to reinstate the MA rating along with some form of age-verification. The not-knowing how our creative works will be judged/treated is a bit worrying. I hope the admins of will at least **explain** what the hell to expect and give us time to make changes if it comes down to it.

That's my piece and I'll leave it at that.


	5. Man Up!

**Preemptive Author's Note:** Naturally developing romance handled with subtlety and nuance? Dafuq is that?

* * *

><p>The Third Hokage stopped at the entrance to ANBU's Torture and Interrogation department. He wasn't sure why he had been called to Ibiki's department. Ibiki was always one of Sarutobi's most competent shinobi.<p>

The Hokage saw the head of Torture and Interrogation sitting quietly outside an interrogation chamber.

"You asked to see me, Ibiki-san?"

Ibiki stood and bowed to his Hokage. "Yes, Hokage-sama. I require permission to use the Yamanaka Clan's ability to destroy memories."

"A serious request. May I ask why?" Sarutobi asked after taking a puff on his pipe.

Ibiki looked _sheepish_. "It is not something to say out loud."

The Hokage shot Ibiki a look of utter and complete disbelief. Hiruzen appraised his trusted agent for a moment before realizing that Ibiki was completely serious. "Fine, we shall be discreet."

"Well, I'm not requesting the Yamanaka for any of the prisoners...I'm requesting it for a couple of my shinobi," Ibiki began. The scarred master interrogator leaned closer to the Hokage and in a low voice, explained everything his men had been through.

Hiruzen was a veteran shinobi. He had survived numerous wars, skirmishes, encounters with Bijū and even the Shodai Hokage's cooking. However, the horrid information Ibiki was currently sharing shook him to his very core.

"And that...concludes the contents of the traitor Kabuto's personal diary," a very pale Ibiki concluded.

"Mind wipes...mind wipes for _everyone,"_ Sarutobi screamed in a panic.

* * *

><p>Naruto yawned as he woke up from his position on a strange couch. He had been placed on his stomach out of respect for his tails. The smell of the entire place was really off. That meant he wasn't back home, in Hinata's house, or any other place Naruto was familiar with. He was also really groggy. The Hanyou blinked a few times before remembering he was on a mission to the Land of Waves. That meant no one was around that he trusted enough to scratch his ears.<p>

Naruto needed to finish this mission as quickly as possible.

The young man bolted from the couch on all fours and followed the scents of the house into the kitchen. It also helped that there was food being made and Naruto was very hungry.

"I'm up!" Naruto announced to the world. Sasuke, a semi-dazed Kakashi, Tazuna, and a young woman were all sitting at the kitchen table.

"Welcome back, Naruto," Kakashi said with a wave.

"He's so adorable!" the woman cooed and appeared to be about to stand up. Suddenly, she tensed up. "On second thought, I can introduce myself from here. My name is Tsunami."

Meanwhile, in Konoha, Hinata and Kiba were sparring. Hinata suddenly felt a tingling in her palms. The sensation was similar to the feeling of channeling chakra into her hands for a Gentle Fist strike. However, Hinata had already channeled chakra in preparation for a light strike. If it wasn't chakra...

_'Someone _else _tried to hug Naruto-kun! Kushina-sama and I are the only women who can do that!'_ Hinata thought hotly. Unfortunately, the momentary distraction could not have come at a worse time for poor Kiba. He had jumped to avoid one of Hinata's sweep kicks.

And directly into the path of Hinata's punch. Future generations would recount the tragic story and claim Kiba's screams could be heard in the Land of Iron.

Tsunami quickly got over her moment of panic. Confusion unexpectedly took its place, however. She could not understand why her father, Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto suddenly crossed their legs and grimaced at the same time.

"I think once we kill Gatō, all your problems will be solved," Kakashi reported.

"We'll have to kill a number of his thugs off too," Sasuke added. "There is a chance they could try to attack the people of Wave in revenge or simply to loot the country on their way out. The more of them we kill in our initial assault, the better."

"Are you sure that...violence is necessary?" Tsunami asked nervously.

"It is inevitable," Kakashi admitted. "Besides, Naruto killed Momochi Zabuza and Sasuke's Sharingan has awoken. This will be a cakewalk, even if I'm not back to full form. Sakura's very capable and can protect Tazuna and his workers while we assassinate Gatō."

"You can't beat Gatō!" a young boy shouted from the door to the kitchen.

"We can totally beat Gatō," Naruto said dismissively.

"It will be trivial," Sasuke said in support of his best friend. "Naruto has mastered the full strength of the most powerful Bijū in all of creation. I have the legendary Sharingan! Kakashi also has a Sharingan and knows a thousand jutsu. Sakura, our other teammate, knows a few genjutsu."

"And can punch really hard," Naruto added helpfully.

"Very hard," Sasuke nodded in agreement.

"That doesn't matter! Gatō has caused Wave to suffer! What would you all possibly know about suffering?" the boy shouted.

"Inari!" Tsunami shouted just as the temperature in the room plummeted.

Inari looked up and found himself staring into two pairs of red eyes. Naruto's chakra had suddenly taken on more demonic tendencies. His tails were whipping around wildly and had smashed a nearby chair. Sasuke's Sharingan had reacted to his anger and activated without conscious thought. The legendary Dōjutsu was spinning wildly.

Kakashi was giggling like a schoolgirl at a particularity raunchy part of his Icha Icha book.

"Naruto and Sasuke, I think you two need to go on patrol," Kakashi ordered. The two boys nodded and stormed out of the house. "I think we shinobi know a little bit about suffering."

"How could you possibly know about suffering?" Inari asked angrily. He had a few tears welling in his eyes.

"Well, let's start with Sasuke. He is the last surviving member of a legendary shinobi clan. Sasuke grew up idolizing his brother. His brother was one of the most brilliant and powerful shinobi I have ever known. Unfortunately...Itachi lost his mind and murdered every man, woman, and child in the Uchiha clan. According to Sasuke's testimony, Itachi declared that his murder of hundreds of people was because the clan wasn't granting Itachi enough power. Sasuke encountered Itachi mere moments after his beloved older brother had viciously murdered their parents. Then...Itachi used a forbidden and terrifying technique to make Sasuke watch every murder Itachi committed that night...repeatedly...for three days," Kakashi began. Inari started to speak, but Kakashi cut him off.

"Naruto hasn't had it easy either. The night he was born, the strongest of all demons attacked our village. His parents sacrificed themselves to protect both Naruto and the village. In order to do that, they had to seal the demon inside Naruto by invoking the Death God. Minato-sensei, Naruto's father, wanted Naruto to be viewed as a hero for keeping the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox prisoner. Sadly, many in the village hated, shunned, and occasionally attacked Naruto. Naruto, fortunately, didn't see what I and others did to the idiots who attacked him in the early years."

Tazuna gulped. "What _did_ you do to anyone who attacked Naruto?"

"Oh, I punched out their hearts with a Raikiri and set them on fire. I'm not done with Naruto's story, though. As your grandfather knows, Inari, Naruto wasn't always a Hanyou. He was a normal boy like you for almost his entire life. A couple of months ago, a madman in our village kidnapped Naruto to turn him into a weapon to take over the village and the world. He tortured Naruto, and in his madness, screwed with Naruto's seal and it exploded. That torture turned Naruto into a Hanyou," Kakashi 'happily' explained.

Inari, by this time, was bawling. "W-What about you?"

"Oh, my story isn't that bad. I only walked in on the aftermath of my father's suicide. He was driven to suicide because of the shame of failing a mission because he wanted to save his friends. I lived with the stigma of being the son of a failure, and it took me years to forgive my father. The people who helped me recover were Minato-sensei, my best friend Obito, and my other teammate Rin. On a botched mission, I lost my eye and had to watch my best friend die saving my life. His last wish was that Rin transplant his eye, one of the only parts of his body not horribly crushed by half a mountain the enemy tried to bury us under, into my recently emptied eye socket. I've spent my life channeling his example. Obito was my best friend. If I ever have a kid, I'll name him after Obito and teach my future-maybe-son to follow his example. I lost my sensei to the Nine-Tails as you know. Rin...I was forced to murder her. I was forced to do it because a huge group of enemy shinobi used some kind of pollen-based hallucinogen on me, but it still haunts me all the time. Every day, I'm convinced that moment will lead to the end of the world."

"I-I didn't know," Inari sniffled.

"Don't worry about it!" Kakashi said brightly. "Naruto, Sasuke, and I have turned out sane...mostly!"

"How?" Inari asked.

"Well, Naruto is a completely optimistic knucklehead who has the spirits of his parents living in his head. Sasuke is driven by his need to avenge and rebuild his clan," Kakashi explained.

"What about you?" The young man asked expectantly.

"I have..._this,"_ Kakashi announced and handed over one of his Icha Icha books. Kakashi had already finished that copy three times and had two more copies at home. Inari opened the book and felt like he was engulfed in a golden light.

* * *

><p>Sakura was on patrol and had decided to head to Tazuna's bridge. The bridge was not only a critical objective, but a masterpiece of engineering. Sakura could understand why Tazuna lied about the mission ranking. Wave was clearly pouring all their money and resources into building this bridge. The people of Wave had put all their hopes and dreams into this bridge. In the distance, Sakura saw a person standing on the edge of the bridge.<p>

_'Oh god, that person is going to jump!'_ Sakura thought in a panic. She rushed over to the person's location. Sakura assumed that Gatō had driven the unfortunate person to suicide. The young kunoichi had certainly seen how the entire nation had been drowning in despair. Sakura broke out into a full sprint when the young woman, at least that's what the person looked like to Sakura, looked to the heavens and inched forward.

Unfortunately, Sakura tripped at the last second and lost her footing. She actually tumbled over the unfinished edge of the great bridge and fell off! The Konoha kunoichi let out a panicked scream as she fell. Her scream became a grunt as an arm wrapped around her.

Sakura's eyes went even wider than possible as she saw what the other arm was doing. _'One handed seals? Is that even possible?'_

"Demonic Ice Mirrors!"

Sakura watched in awe, but mostly terror as she was still hurtling towards the rolling sea, as a mirror of the purest ice formed in front of her. She fully expected to become a smear on the ice mirror along with her 'savior'. Instead, they passed through the mirror and out of another back onto the bridge.

"Are you alright, miss?" Sakura's attempted-rescuee-turned-rescuer asked.

"I-I'm fine. How about you?" She asked nervously.

Sakura finally got a good look at her savior. The kunoichi was shocked by how beautiful the young woman was.

"I've been better," the savior admitted. "What is your name, miss?"

"H-Haruno Sakura," Sakura admitted and felt a blush rise in her cheeks. _'Oh god, I'm blushing and thinking she's beautiful. Am I a lesbian?'_

"A pleasure to meet you, Sakura-san. I am Haku," Haku introduced himself. He noticed Sakura's blush and was fervently hoping she wouldn't come to the same conclusion almost everyone did about his gender.

"H-Haku-san, why were you about to jump?"

Haku sighed. "My master, the one person who gave me purpose, is dead. I-I don't know what to do with my life."

"Live it," Sakura said firmly. "You are a beautiful person inside and out! Honor your master's life by living!"

"I-I don't know how," Haku admitted.

Sakura and Haku were gazing silently into each others eyes for several moments. "I can show you," Sakura whispered.

The next thing either of the two young shinobi realized was their frantic kissing. Sakura leaned deeper into the kiss and put her right hand down to balance herself. Haku was sitting indian-style and Sakura's hand accidentally went into the gap. For a moment, Sakura was horrified that she had put her hands so close to Haku's intimate regions.

Then she sensed his 'excitement'. _'Huh, I guess I'm not a lesbian after all."_

* * *

><p>"So, I was thinking. I've got the full power of the Kyūbi. Why can't I just roar and cause things to explode?" Naruto asked as he jumped from one branch to another.<p>

"I'm not sure how that would even work," Sasuke commented. "What about the Bijū Bomb?"

"I have no clue what that is, but it sounds _awesome_." Naruto suddenly became giddy.

"Father mentioned it once. According to legends it could blow up mountain ranges." Sasuke jumped clear of the trees and landed on one of the few maintained roads in the Land of Waves. Naruto decided it was more fun to hang down from the branches using his tails.

"Maybe when Mom and Dad restore themselves, I'll ask them," Naruto mentioned. Sasuke nodded and was about to address Naruto when his eyes went wide.

"The hell is that?"

Naruto looked in the direction Sasuke was staring. "Uh, Sasuke, that's what we like to call a _bridge_."

"No, moron! What's _on _the bridge!" Sasuke growled.

"Looks like stacks of wood to me," Naruto was still hanging upside down as he answered.

Sasuke took a single breath. "Look to the left of the crane."

Naruto shielded his eyes with his hands and looked towards the crane. He blinked a few times and sniffed the wind to confirm what he saw. Naruto then dropped to the ground. "Is that Sakura-chan making out with a girl?"

"What is it with my friends? Is there something in the water you two drink that makes you latch onto someone and just start making out like that?" Sasuke groaned.

Naruto, being a bro, patted Sasuke on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it Sasuke. I'm sure there's a hot girl who'll let you reach second-base somewhere out there!"

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. "Let's just go find Gatō and kill him."

The other boy agreed, but his mind was elsewhere. _'The sooner we kill Gatō, the sooner I can get home and make out with _my_ super-attractive girlfriend.'_

The Uchiha and the Uzumaki finally got a lead on Gatō's location via one of Naruto's Clones using his Pleading Puppy Look on one of Gatō's drug dealers. The clone not only got the dealer to give up the crime lord's location, but to get out of the business completely. The last memory Naruto got from his clone was the ex-dealer handing out money to the community before fleeing.

"Naruto, that might just be the most powerful technique in existence," Sasuke laughed.

"Probably," Naruto agreed as they approached the dock that served as Gatō's base of operations. The patrols were laughably predictable and regular. Naruto and Sasuke observed several guards actually falling asleep. The two boys stalked the premises for a few hours before deciding to head back and fill in Kakashi on the situation and get some food. Naruto decided to leave a dozen clones behind to keep an eye on things.

* * *

><p>It was late in the evening when Sakura returned to Tazuna's home hand-in-hand with Haku. Kakashi immediately noticed the Hunter-nin mask hanging from Haku's belt and was on guard instantly.<p>

"Sakura, while I'm glad you've made a new...friend, I hope you have an explanation," Kakashi said firmly as he appraised his student and the newcomer. The Mist Shinobi's stance was completely nonthreatening.

"Well, sensei, this is Haku-kun. He was about to...jump," Sakura started, but her mind wandered a bit forward in the narrative.

Haku smiled softly. "Sakura-chan _dissuaded_ me from jumping. I must tell you that I was once...once Momochi Zabuza's apprentice. Sakura-chan convinced me to aid you in defeating Gatō. Zabuza-sama gave my life purpose, but now that he is..."

"A very thin paste under a giant rock?" Kakashi added helpfully.

"Y-Yes," Haku choked out. The young man clearly had tears welling in his eyes. Sakura shot her sensei a withering glare. "N-Now Sakura-chan has been trying to help me find new purpose."

Kakashi continued to eye-smile a bit creepily. "That's nice. So, why'd Zabuza keep you around?"

"I, well," Haku began to explain. His upbringing made him very nervous about revealing his bloodline. "I have the Ice Release Bloodline."

"Really?" Kakashi asked excitedly. Haku nodded. "Could you show me?"

Haku looked at Sakura, who smiled warmly. "You can trust Kakashi-sensei, Haku-kun. Just don't think about how he was involved in a fight to the death with your master and father-figure."

Haku sighed and created a perfect sphere of ice. Sakura gushed airily about how beautiful it was. Kakashi, for his part, started to giggle and pulled out a green book. He pulled out a pen and clearly made a check on something.

"Um, Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing?" Sakura asked.

"Hold that thought!" Kakashi ignored his student and summoned a small dog. "Pakkun! Go tell the Hokage to prepare Free Taco Night!"

"Seriously?" The pug asked. Kakashi flashed a thumbs up. "Fuck yeah, tacos!"

Sakura and Haku blinked owlishly as the pug disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Tacos?" Haku managed to ask.

"Yup!" Kakashi answered. "Whenever Konoha gets a new bloodline, the Hokage gives everyone free tacos. It is one of the Village's oldest traditions!"

"Did I hear something about free tacos?" Sasuke asked as he entered the house.

"I definitely heard something about tacos," Naruto added helpfully.

The Jōnin laughed. "New bloodline in Konoha."

"Wow, Konoha hasn't had Free Taco Night since before mom and dad were married," Sasuke whistled.

Kakashi laughed. "So, I thought you two were off to kill Gatō?"

Sasuke and Naruto shrugged their shoulders. "We got hungry. Came back to eat," Sasuke explained.

"He won't get away. I've got a dozen-ish clones keeping tabs on the place," Naruto added.

"Um, Naruto, why didn't you just use the clones to kill Gatō?" Sakura questioned.

"Where's the fun in that?" Sasuke asked, totally mystified.

* * *

><p>Hiruzen was sitting in his office smoking to help take his mind off the mind-wipe he had just gone through. He couldn't remember <em>what<em> he had scrubbed from his memory. The Hokage just knew it had to have been pants-shittingly terrifying for him to willingly destroy a few minutes of memories.

"Hokage-sama, may I enter?" A voice asked form the other side of the door.

"You may," the Hokage answered. It probably wasn't an assassin, but if it was at least the person was polite. Instead of an assassin, an ANBU entered. The ANBU was shockingly young. "I was unaware that I had deployed any ANBU."

"Hokage-sama, I was not deployed by you," the ANBU admitted. Hiruzen sighed as he had an inkling of where this was going. The veteran shinobi reached into a nearby drawer and pulled out a bottle of alcohol.

"Danzō?"

"Danzō," the Shinobi confirmed. Hiruzen sighed and poured a bowl of the liquor.

"What is your name and Ninja-ID number?" The Hokage questioned.

The boy smiled a very creepy, very forced smile. "I have recently chosen the name Sai for myself. As my only memories are being trained in Danzō's secret volcano lairs and carrying out missions for Danzō, I do not have a Ninja ID number."

"ROOT, fantastic," Sarutobi grumbled and filled the bowl to the brim.

"I am willing to divulge a great deal of information about my former master and his organization. I do have a request that I would like in writing," Sai revealed.

"What's the request?"

"That you won't kill me in any conventional, brutal, or highly inventive way or imprison me for my brainwashed actions," Sai said calmly.

Sarutobi shrugged. "Sure, why not? Today's been crazy enough already."

The Hokage signed the agreement knowing that if this Sai really pissed him off he could just get one of the legitimate ANBU or any of the other village's Jōnin to off the punk.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." Sai bowed.

"Where shall we begin?" The Hokage asked.

Sai rubbed his chin. "Perhaps the part where I was the one to kidnap Uzumaki Naruto?"

Hiruzen sighed once before downing the entire bottle of liquor. This was going to be a long conversation.

* * *

><p>Kakashi crossed his arms. "So are we clear on the rules?"<p>

Naruto and Sasuke nodded. The Uchiha took a deep breath. "Mooks are one point each."

"Rescuing Wave citizens gives us three points and a public 'atta-boy' from the Hokage and the Daimyo," Naruto added.

"Good, good," Kakashi praised his students. "Remember, Gatō's lieutenants are worth two points and Gatō himself is worth ten."

"So, when do we start?" Naruto asked.

"Take position. I'll send Shiba with Sasuke and Akino with Naruto. The second they dispel..."

Kakashi paused and raised his arms wide. "Let the games begin!"

"Is your sensei always like that?" Haku asked as he checked his supplies.

Sakura sighed. "They are always like that."

"At least it will never be boring," Haku said sympathetically. Sakura could only nod as Kakashi approached the pair. "Is there something we can help you with, Kakashi-san?"

The Copy-nin flashed an eye smile. "Just wanted to see how you two were preparing for your guard duty."

"We are ready, Kakashi-sensei. I have all my equipment and Haku-kun has been giving me great advice as well," Sakura informed her Jōnin instructor.

"That's nice," Kakashi said distractedly. "I want you two to focus on defending the bridge. While Naruto and Sasuke casually kill off Gatō and his men, you two shouldn't have any problems."

"Kakashi-san, may I be frank for a moment?" Haku asked.

"That's the dumbest name ever," Kakashi said flatly. He instantly brightened. "I'm just screwing with you! What do you need, kid?"

Haku sighed. "Why are you trusting me so quickly?"

Kakashi's entire stance shifted. Haku had never seen the Konoha Jōnin become so focused, serious, and determined. "You have had shit luck. Hell, you've probably had it as bad as Sasuke and Naruto. If Konoha can help you, we'll help you."

Sakura beamed at her sensei, and Haku was truly touched.

"More importantly, free tacos! Let me tell you, you'll need to eat them sitting down! They are so good, your knees will buckle!"

And just like that, the moment was gone.

* * *

><p>Naruto lowered himself from the pipes using his tails and slit the throat of a drug dealer who had just been bragging about his latest sales.<p>

"Six," Naruto whispered. He slipped silently to the ground and moved quickly to another room. In the room, Gatō was storing a ton of cash he had extorted from the people of Wave. "Sasuke, you copy?"

There was a wet sound on the other end. "I'm here."

"I don't think we should blow up the boat. I just found a bunch of cash. According to the book on the table, it's all 'protection' money."

Sasuke scoffed on the other end of the radio. "These people are the worst kind of scum. We are really delivering justice today. Hopefully we'll wipe these guys out and Wave will never be bothered again."

"Yeah, they do suck," Naruto agreed. "So...how many points?"

"Nine. I killed two of Gatō's top lackeys."

Naruto groaned. "Crap! Kage Bunshin!"

"Isn't that cheating?" Sasuke grumbled.

"Kakashi said there weren't any rules!" Naruto said in a very chipper voice.

* * *

><p>"So, I said to the guy...that's not my wife, that's a jukebox!"<p>

Sakura and Haku were standing off to the side watching the workers go about their business. "I feel dumber just hearing some of these jokes."

Haku nodded in agreement. "It is like some insane deity has decided to play a game with the world and turn it into some kind of crazy joke."

"That would explain how no one batted an eye about Naruto and his parents," Sakura hummed.

"What?" Haku asked in a completely dumbfounded tone. Sakura explained everything that had happened to Naruto since the day at the posts. Haku occasionally asked a few questions for clarification.

"That's basically everything," Sakura finished.

Haku was silent for several minutes. "Well, I can safely say that this is...well..."

"Horribly fucked up?"

"That. Exactly that."

* * *

><p>"Sixteen!" Naruto shouted as he finished off a small group of panicked thugs with a well-timed explosive tag. The Hanyou saw an expensive-looking door that was barred with a thick metal pipe. "That's Gatō's office!"<p>

Naruto tossed an explosive tag and simply blew the door up. Who needed lock picks when you had explosives? _'Besides, I'll win this if I off Gatō!'_

A second door exploded to Naruto's left and the blond-haired ninja saw Sasuke storm into the room.

Gatō gulped nervously. "I can pay you lots of money! Let me live!"

Naruto, desperate to win, threw a kunai. The kunai found its mark in Gatō's right eye...at the exact same time as Sasuke's kunai hit the left eye.

"Oh come on! Don't tell me that was a tie!" Naruto moaned.

Sasuke sighed off to the side. "It was a tie. Trust me, I have my Sharingan active. I saw the impacts in perfect detail. It was a tie."

"So...do we get the full ten points or just five?" Naruto asked as he looked around the gaudy office.

"I say each gets five since it was a tie," Sasuke suggested. "So, how many does that make?

"Twenty-one," Naruto admitted.

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Naruto turned to his friend with a sinking feeling in his gut. "We tied didn't we?"

"We tied," Sasuke grumbled. "Did you free any civilians?"

The son of the Yondaime nodded. "Yup. Some guy who didn't pay protection money."

"Crap, I saved someone too. A young woman who stole from a thug," Sasuke boasted.

Naruto sniggered. "Picked up another fangirl?

"Thankfully, no. She's married," Sasuke said in evident relief. "Still, we're tied."

"Paper-rock-scissors?" Naruto suggested.

"_Make sure he doesn't have his Sharingan on! Mikoto used to cheat all the time and use it during our Paper-rock-scissors games!"_

Sasuke nodded with a smirk. Naruto quickly pointed a finger at his Uchiha friend. "No Sharingan!"

"But!" Sasuke protested.

"Mom warned me about that! She said your mom used it to cheat. This needs to be a one-on-one, luck of the draw, super duel!"

"Fine," Sasuke complained as he turned off his Sharingan. "Best two-out-of-three?"

* * *

><p>Kakashi slowly made his way across the bridge. It was tricky using the crutches, but the sympathy he was getting from the young women of Wave was too good to pass up. Kakashi actually hadn't needed the crutches in a few days.<p>

_'Honestly, I'm hoping for an industrial accident I can rescue a pretty girl from. That would score me a few points,'_ Kakashi happily thought.

"Keep your feet closer together," Haku said in the distance. Kakashi smiled as he saw Haku working with Sakura on her taijutsu.

_'Maybe I can pawn some of my workload off on Haku...'_ Kakashi thought hopefully. That thought ended when he realized Kushina was aware of the world and inside of Naruto's head. The Copy-Nin would never survive a pissed-off Kushina.

"Glad to see you are being productive," Hatake eye-smiled.

Sakura smiled back. "Well, there isn't much to do. Zabuza is...gone, and Naruto and Sasuke are probably finishing off Gatō and his thugs. We tried helping out with the bridge, but Tazuna said we'd technically be illegal migrant workers and the Daimyo would have to act like he actually cared about his country's laws and fine us."

"Well, hereditary politicians believe they don't have to work. Can't have royalty sullying their hands by doing anything after all," Kakashi joked. Haku and Sakura smiled back.

"That was funny, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said after giggling. "Is there something we should be aware of?"

"I'm heading off to Gatō's ship. Pakkun said that Naruto and Sasuke have moved on from rock-paper-scissors to tic-tac-toe to break their tie. I need to reach them before they go onto something very dumb like karaoke." Kakashi was grim and serious.

"Karaoke?" Haku asked.

Kakashi nodded. "Trust me. If you've heard Naruto or Sasuke singing in the past, you'd be just as terrified of their attempts as I am."

"That bad?" Sakura laughed. She had a pretty idealized vision of Sasuke, but the image of him being absolutely terrible at singing was very amusing.

All the color fled from Kakashi's visible face. "Worse than you can possibly imagine."

Haku flashed a glance that was halfway between supremely amused and confused. "Perhaps you should hurry then, Hatake-san?"

Kakashi nodded and disappeared in a swirl of leaves. He reappeared some distance away and ditched his crutches. He was rested enough to move at full speed again. Gatō's ship was visible after only a few minutes of hopping from rooftop-to-rooftop in the warehouse district. Kakashi quickly made a mental note to tell the Hokage to set up C-ranks to eliminate the few small-time thugs that escaped from Naruto and Sasuke's dismantling of Gatō and his organization. The Copy-Nin landed silently on the deck of the ship Gatō used as his primary base.

_'Effective breaching techniques. Sasuke and Naruto both have so much promise. I'm really impressed that Naruto isn't solely relying on his parents' knowledge or the power of the Kyūbi,'_ Kakashi thought. The Jōnin entered a passage and noticed several dead guards that were eliminated by the Uchiha Shuriken Trick. _'Nice work, Sasuke.'_

"I can't believe we're still tied," Naruto lamented. Kakashi perked up. His students were still aboard.

Sasuke's grunt echoed through the abandoned ship. "What else could we do for a tie-breaker?"

"I've found a karaoke machine. We could try that," Naruto suggested. Kakashi's eyes, both of them, went wide.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kakashi screamed at the top of his lungs and ran at full speed towards his student's location. The two boys looked to the door in surprise just as the Jōnin burst into the room. Sasuke and Naruto barely registered the look of utter horror on their teacher's face before the sixty-four chakra shuriken obliterated the karaoke machine.

"What the heck, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto gasped.

Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief. "It was, uh, booby-trapped?"

"Really?" Sasuke asked in naked disbelief.

"Yes, really. I'm your superior officer and I order you to believe me," Kakashi said sharply.

Naruto wagged his tails. "What are we going to do to break the tie now?"

"I," Kakashi paused dramatically. "have a plan!"

* * *

><p>Sakura and Haku had stayed a few minutes longer than the workers. Haku had really helped Sakura address some of her weaknesses in taijutsu. A few hours of practicing stances wasn't enough to turn her into an expert, but it was a good start. The rapidly-established couple was quietly chatting about their likes, dislikes, and dreams for the future when they noticed a huge crowd in the market.<p>

"I wonder what's going on?" Haku asked. Sakura shrugged and they approached an old man.

"Excuse me, sir. What's going on?" Sakura politely asked.

The old man turned and shook his head. "Two young men are about to Bro-down."

Haku's eyes went wide. "A Bro-down? That's some serious beef."

"A what-down?" Sakura asked in confusion. Haku didn't explain but guided Sakura to the inner ring of the crowd. Sakura gasped as she saw Sasuke and Naruto circling each other. It almost looked like they were about to fight! The last thing Sakura wanted was conflict on her team. So, she moved to step in, but Haku placed a hand on her shoulder.

"This has to happen."

Naruto shook his head. "So what makes you think you won, bro?"

"I'm Uchiha, bro!" Sasuke continued to circle.

"What bro?" Naruto put his hand next to his fox ear. "What, bro?"

"Sharingan, bro!" Sasuke responded. "Who died and made you think you've got the bro-thority to decide who wins?"

"Got the power of a Bijū, bro! Why you gotta disrespect?" Naruto barked.

"I respect you, bro!" Sasuke shouted back.

"I respect you too, bro!" Naruto retorted.

Naruto and Sasuke stopped circling. They stared at each other for a moment.

"We're cool?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah, we're cool." Sasuke shrugged.

Kakashi stepped between the two boys. "The Bro-Down is over!" The crowd murmured and dispersed.

Sakura stared blankly at her team and then shifted her gaze to Haku and finally back to Team Seven. "What the fuck was that?!"

* * *

><p>The next few days were far more low-key. Naruto and Sasuke had taken Haku and Sakura's place on bridge-watch duty. Kakashi wanted to give Sakura a bit of actual combat experience and sent her to find the last few pockets of thugs. He was confident the kunoichi could handle a few drugged-up morons. Haku's presence also put Kakashi at ease. If there were too many thugs for Sakura to handle, Haku could and would step in.<p>

Kakashi and the boys were sitting on the bridge playing 'darts' with shuriken and scrap wood when Sakura and Haku returned. "How'd it go, Sakura?"

"Five thugs," Sakura admitted with a hint of hollowness in her voice. "I'm glad Haku-kun was there."

Haku raised a hand to preempt any comments from the rest of Team Seven. "She handled the thugs very well. I just helped her deal with her first kill."

Kakashi nodded. "I remember back when I made my first kill."

"Mom and Dad are still recovering, but Dad said they'd talk to me when we get back to Konoha," Naruto admitted.

"That Night changed me," Sasuke admitted. It was a huge gesture of trust to share this with his team. "I've accepted what this world is like."

Everyone was silent. Kakashi took a quick breath. "So, you two want in on the game?"

Haku smiled. "I think I can show you all a thing or two."

Naruto and Sasuke smiled. The thought of a new challenge was exciting. "Bring it on, _pretty boy!" _Naruto said in good-natured jest.

The 'battle' lasted for hours. All three boys were exceptional. The rest of the week was a blur of boredom and training. Tazuna and Wave finally completed the bridge and threw a huge celebration to revel in the bridge opening and the defeat of Gatō. There was a huge debate over the name of the bridge.

Tazuna and Tsunami eagerly turned to Naruto. "Naruto-san, what should we name the bridge?"

The Hanyou looked to his teammates and Haku for backup, but they simply shrugged their shoulders. "Uh, the...People's Bridge? I mean, you guys did all the work. It's a big deal to your people and they should take credit."

A murmur went through the crowd. Suddenly, a man in the back shouted. "Hey! The fox-boy-kid is right! We **did** do all the work!"

Naruto chuckled nervously because he quickly felt like he had set something in motion. He wasn't exactly sure, but he was confident he'd be back in Konoha making out with Hinata before whatever that thing was happened.

Team Seven and Haku left Wave the next morning. The trip back was almost leisurely by shinobi standards and the ninja made it back to Konoha in only a few hours.

"I must confess, I'm a bit nervous," Haku said as the ninja approached the gates of Konoha.

"Kakashi-sensei sent word ahead. Everyone probably knows that Free Taco Night is going to happen," Naruto said with a comforting smile.

Haku nodded. Sakura took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. The ninja entered the village. Haku had been expecting suspicious glares or outright hostility. In his worst case scenario, he expected someone to attack him. Thus, his surprise was tangible when a tan blur tackled Naruto so hard it was audible. He hadn't expected Naruto to be attacked, but his appearance was unusual. Haku prepared to act, but Sakura and Kakashi weren't worried. In fact, they were waffling between amusement and annoyance. Sasuke, on the other hand, was visibly annoyed.

Haku barely heard Sasuke grumble, "Stop hogging my best friend, Hyūga."

Sakura leaned in closer and explained. "Naruto's girlfriend, Hinata."

The Ice Release wielder simply nodded. He tore his eyes away from Sakura and saw a bit of Hinata and Naruto's rather...passionate reunion. Strangely, none of the civilians or other ninja seemed to notice or, if they did, probably didn't care.

"You'll get used to it just like we did," Kakashi assured Haku and patted the top of his head. "Naruto, Kage Bunshin. We've still got a debriefing."

The hanyou didn't break his concentration on his task and quickly created a single clone. Sasuke promptly pushed the clone in the direction Team Seven was headed. Halfway to the Hokage's tower, Sakura stopped and waved down the street.

"Ino-pig!"

A blonde perked up and saw Team Seven. "Forehead!" Ino grabbed the two boys she was with and dragged them towards Sakura.

"Hi, Sakura..." Ino began. "Who's your friend?"

"Ino-pig, I'd like you to meet Haku-kun," Sakura said proudly.

"Kun?" Ino's teammate, with a pair of swirl tattoos on his cheeks, asked in disbelief. Another young man and a dog approached from the opposite direction and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," Haku reinforced the notion. "My name is Haku and I am a refugee from the Bloodline Purges."

It wouldn't hurt to gain a bit of sympathy.

"Wow, my theory was right," Ino gasped. "Sakura has a Clan Genocide Fetish!"

Everyone stared at Ino in complete naked shock. Kakashi was so stunned that he actually face-palmed.

"What troublesome madness are you going on about now?" Shikamaru groaned.

"Think about it. Sakura crushed on Sasuke-kun. His clan went through genocide."

Sasuke growled. "Thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot my entire clan and everyone I ever truly loved was butchered by the big brother I idolized."

Ino pointedly ignored Sasuke. "Now, she's with Haku. His clan went through genocide."

"Wow, that was tasteless." Kiba buried his head in his hands.

Team Seven decided to leave before anything bad happened. They reached the tower and Hiruzen waved them in.

"So, Free Taco Night?" the Hokage asked. "I need some good news after the mind-wipes and that ex-ROOT jackass."

"Free Taco Night," Kakashi assured the Hokage. "Why don't you introduce yourself, kid?"

Haku nodded at Kakashi. He was still fairly uncomfortable around Kakashi and Naruto. They were both directly responsible for the death of his mentor/father-figure/slave-master. Quickly, Haku turned his focus to the Hokage. "It is an honor to meet you, Hokage-sama. I am Haku of the Yuki clan."

"Welcome to Konoha. Sakura-san, will you escort Haku-san to the Academy so that Iruka-sensei can run him through the Academy Graduation Exam?" The Hokage asked.

"S-Sure, Hokage-sama. I'm not sure why it's necessary. I've seen Haku do some incredible jutsu," Sakura said.

"Here's why it's necessary. One, we need to get official records of Haku's abilities. Two, I need you to take this squirt-bottle to chase off Mitarashi Anko. Finally, I'm the Hokage. I'm an absolute dictator. I could order you to build me a house out of instant ramen packets and you would have to do it."

Kakashi rubbed his chin. "There are probably enough of those in Naruto's apartment to build a nice two-bedroom."

Sakura reached out and took Haku's hand. She was about to speak but was cut off by the door to the Hokage's office violently swinging open. Naruto stumbled into the office carrying Hinata. No one was quite sure how the couple had reached the Tower.

"Are they still making out?" Haku gasped.

Kakashi laughed. "Like I said, you'll learn to cope."

"What's the drinking age in Konoha?" Haku sighed.

Sakura smiled. "As soon as you pass the Academy test, you can drink."

"Good," Haku said a bit dejectedly. "This place is crazy. I'm going to need a _lot_ of alcohol."

Kakashi slapped Haku on the shoulder. "Wow, you're a quick learner! I take all credit for that as a teacher."

The last surviving member of the Yuki clan pinched the bridge of his nose. _'Just what the hell is wrong with this place?'_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Guess what's back? It took a while to get this out, but I have alibis! I finished off my Masters and have been looking for work. Also, Borderlands 2, The Last of Us, and Total War: Rome II have been eating my time. Anyway, hope you laugh and for those of you who like a bit of sanity in their fanfics, I'm really making progress on Misstep in the Right Direction and Dichotomy of the Soul.**  
><strong>

Random text is random.


	6. The Dangers of Pamphlets

**Author's Note: **What madness is this _two_ updates in one week? Also, another reminder the poll will stay open until Monday after I post Misstep in the Right Direction for just a few hours. And now...for something completely different...

"The Dangers of Pamphlets or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Eat the Damn Tacos!"

* * *

><p>Sakura panted heavily as she practically collapsed onto Haku's chest. The pair laid silently and stared at the stars, and some of those stars were <em>actual <em>stars. Sakura had to blink away a trickle of sweat that had rolled down from her forehead.

Haku was breathing heavily, but he was clearly content.

"Wow..." Sakura managed to force out.

"I...I believe that was one experience I will never forget," Haku agreed.

"Told you so," Kakashi shouted gleefully as he walked by carrying a plate of tacos. "I _said_ you'd have to eat them sitting down. Did you two kids believe me? Nope! And now look at you! You two look like me and Hanare after that counter-espionage mission!"

"What?" Sakura asked. "What does what you did with your girlfriend have to do with super-spicy tacos?"

"Have you ever _had_ the Curry in the Land of Rivers?" Kakashi's voice was clearly miffed.

"No," Haku admitted. "Though, this does seem like the conversation has nothing to do with tacos."

"It's the super-secret spices! They both use a spice that is one of the village's SSX Secrets! Super tricky! They are so good you just collapse! Sticking the landing is key," Kakashi gestured wildly as he explained.

"Sensei..." Sakura began delicately. "Have you been drinking?"

Kakashi was clearly smiling behind his mask. "Has Naruto been making out with Hinata tonight?"

"Oh God, my sensei is drunk," Sakura whimpered as she hung her head. Kakashi had told both Haku and herself that 'they were the single funniest thing ever' when sober. How bad was he going to be when drunk? She was never going to sneak a way to reenact Naruto and Hinata's usual activities with Haku tonight.

She exchanged a look with Haku and knew her boyfriend was thinking the same thing. They were never going to get anywhere with Kakashi spending the entire evening using them as a target for his drunken trolling.

"Kakashi-sensei," Haku said carefully. "Have you shared your story with Sasuke-san or Naruto-kun?"

"Naw," Kakashi dismissed Haku's statement with a wave. "Sasuke seems to be allergic to fun and Hinata's using her Byakugan to keep everyone from interrupting whatever she's doing to Naruto."

"Don't you mean doing _with_ Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"I know what I said," Kakashi scoffed.

* * *

><p>Naruto and Hinata glared silently at each other. For once, a <span>very<span> different tension hung in the air.

"You know, you should just admit it. I'm better. There's no way you're coming out on top of this," Naruto said with a smirk.

Hinata actually laughed at Naruto. Laughed. "Sometimes I forget you are a boy and are genetically wired to say dumb things."

"Hah! So it's going to be like that!" Naruto's ears stood straight up and his tails swished in anticipation of an epic battle. Hinata matched Naruto's smirk and leaned forward in _just_ the right way to emphasize her, ahem, assets. "You know, in some cultures that's considered an unfair advantage."

"Naruto-kun, we're ninja." Hinata playfully rolled her eyes. "And all's fair in love, war, and Taco eating contests."

"True," Naruto admitted with a laugh. He quickly summoned a Shadow Clone. "You! You have one job. Get more Tacos when we run out!"

"Oh, and Clone-kun," Hinata said silkily. "I'd _appreciate _it if you didn't give your creator an unfair advantage."

The Clone drooled and nodded enthusiastically. The Original Naruto, the OrigiNaruto if you will, giggled perversely at Hinata's tone. A second Shadow Clone standing next to an antique alarm clock slammed his hand down on a nearby stump. "Damn it man, focus! We can't really _lose _this, but think about our pride!"

Naruto continued to giggle. "I'm thinking about something else!"

* * *

><p>Across Konoha, Inuzuka Kiba had just finished playing dice with a group of his clan. He was sitting on a stool enjoying a Taco. It was endlessly amusing watching the civilians who failed to heed the "Eat Sitting Down" advice collapse into heaps at the sheer overwhelming deliciousness of the Sacred Tacos of the Shodai Hokage.<p>

"Well, Akamaru, what now?" Kiba asked. His partner barked a suggestion, but Kiba shook his head. "I don't think seeing what Hinata's up to is a good idea. She might think we're trying to cock-block her."

Akamaru yipped and barked some. Kiba sighed. "I know that we wouldn't be doing that, but you know how happy she is around Naruto. Let's be honest. Seeing our best-friend going to town, so to speak, with another of our friends isn't something we want in our memories."

The ninken whined a bit. Once again, the human nodded sagely. "You're right, buddy. There isn't enough brain bleach in Konoha to erase that memory."

Akamaru suggested that they just go home and watch a movie. Kiba readily agreed to that idea. The pair had a few laughs as a few more civilians failed to eat sitting down and collapsed in moaning heaps.

Kiba was humming a tune to himself as he started to unlock the door. He heard another moan and looked around. There weren't any civilians failing to heed the First Rule of Taco Night. He sniffed at the air. It turned out, there weren't any civilians or Tacos anywhere nearby.

There was, however, two familiar scents in the house. Kiba and Akamaru could clearly smell Shino and Hana inside the house. Akamaru barked a question about Shino's presence.

"Dunno, maybe he's looking for us?" Kiba suggested as he opened the door to his house. The human and his ninken partner stood in stupefied horror as they beheld what was happening in the living room.

The source of the earlier moaning was naked as the day she was born. Hana was straddling an equally naked Shino.

To say they were 'going at it' was an understatement. They were clearly acting out the climax of every 'romantic' installment of Icha Icha Paradise ever.

"OH GOD," the two Inuzukas screamed out at the same time. One in sheer mind-numbing terror and trauma. The other in sheer mind-blowing ecstasy.

Coincidentally, they both collapsed into a heap at the same time as well.

* * *

><p>Hyūga Neji was widely regarded as one of the up-and-coming prodigies in the Village Hidden in the Leaves. He was also regarded as one of the singularly insufferable sticks-in-the-mud in the entire village. In fact, his ROOT evaluation and observation file concluded with Danzō's opinion that Neji, "Really, really needs to get laid."<p>

So, when his Genin Cell returned from their latest C-rank mission, Neji was not amused by the sheer amount of frivolous merriment in the village. Lee would be gushing about how 'youthful' the event was likely to be. The Hyūga Elders were likely to be complaining endlessly about how the Cadet Branch was daring to be seen by the rest of the village. His pathetic cousin, Hinata, was likely trying to gain the attentions of the village idiot, Uzumaki Naruto.

All in all, the situation was making Neji nauseous already. Maybe he could convince Tenten to train with him?

Unfortunately, Tenten had dashed off to expand her collection of stuffed tigers and pandas by casually winning every target game in the village. Neji had no doubt she would drive many stall owners to hysterics with her incredible accuracy. So, with great reluctance Neji decided to return to the Hyūga Compound. The prodigy huffed as he moved through a heavily wooded area to avoid the crowds and their embarrassing frivolity. It seemed Fate had decreed that Neji be forced to deal with an overwhelming number of individuals who lacked discipline and focus.

Neji quickly wished he had decided to deal with the individuals who lacked discipline and focus.

Across the small clearing Neji had just entered was a sight the Hyūga Prodigy wished he could instantly forget. His cousin was in a rather...enthusiastically passionate embrace with someone Neji assumed to be Uzumaki Naruto.

Neji was disgusted, but also somewhat excited at the opportunity in front of him. He could strike a blow against the Main House here and now.

"Hinata-sama!" Neji called out, but received no response. "Hinata-sama!"

Hinata finally looked up at her cousin. Neji smirked in anticipation of Hinata's unavoidable mortification. The smirk died. It died quickly, messily, and painfully. In fact, Neji's smirk could be classified in the same category of 'caught off guard and beaten to death with its own right arm' that the late and completely un-missed Shimura Danzō had recently joined.

The Hyūga heiress leveled a weapons-grade _glare_ at her cousin. "Fuck off Neji-nii-san, I'm snogging my boyfriend."

Neji flinched. Hinata-sama _never _acted in such a manner! The Hyūga prodigy had never even heard her say the most innocent of euphemisms! What had possessed her to have such a vehement and profane response?

Cowed, the young man quickly returned (he did not retreat) to the Hyūga Compound to seek out Hiashi-sama. The Clan Head was sitting at the Hyuga's main dining table in front of a giant platter of tacos. Neji waited until the Elders sheepishly grabbed a few of the Sacred Tacos of the Shodai Hokage.

"You **will** eat the Tacos," Hiashi ordered sternly. "And you **will** have fun for the first time in your lives."

The Elders grabbed a plateful of Tacos and scurried from the room. Hiashi's posture didn't change noticeably, but Neji could tell that he was very agitated.

"Hiashi-sama," Neji greeted his uncle with a bow. "If I may have a moment of your time?"

Hiashi turned towards his nephew and nodded. "Yes, Neji?"

"Hiashi-sama, I feel I must report on a disturbing incident involving Hinata-sama..."

Neji was shocked, and a bit vindicated by Hiashi's reaction. The Clan Head _groaned_ and buried his face in his hands.

Unfortunately, Neji was about to be caught off guard for the second time tonight. "Don't tell me that fertility cult is back."

"Fertility cult?" Neji balked.

"Yes," Hiashi answered as he leaned back in his seat. "Evidently, my daughter and Naruto-san have an overabundance of Yang Chakra. One member of the Cult is a Sensor-Nin and detected the energy output during one of their...sessions. The fertility cult, who won't give us its name, keeps trying to recruit Naruto and Hinata to head the cult and 'bring a new age of prosperity to the world'."

The Hyūga Prodigy gawked at the explanation. Hiashi not only knew of Hinata-sama's dalliances with the Uzumaki boy, but was more annoyed about a fertility cult pestering her without his consent. "You have known about her...enthusiasm for the Uzumaki boy?"

"To quote my father and Namikaze Minato's father the night Hiromi and I, Uzumaki Kushina and Minato, and Uchiha Fugaku and Uchiha Mikoto went on that triple date: _keep it wrapped or under wraps."_

Neji could only nod numbly. Just what the hell had happened to Konoha while he was on that C-rank mission?

* * *

><p>Chouji and Ino were trying to find the rest of their friends in the mass of Taco-addled humanity that was Konoha. Chouji had only eaten a few Tacos. It was traditional Akimichi etiquette to have a massive feast before any Taco Festival in order to allow the other citizens to enjoy the Sacred Tacos, even though the village produced a large amount of Tacos for the Akimichi as well. Ino had spent some time at the Akimichi's with Chouji and even Shikamaru. The previous generation of the famed Ino-Shika-Cho formation was 'doing what they always do'. Which basically meant they were avoiding their wives, drinking alcohol, and trading the 'multiple choice' history of their adventures.<p>

As the teammates rounded a corner, Ino nearly squee'd and called out when she noticed Sasuke standing on the other end of the street. There was something off, however, and Chouji put a hand on Ino's shoulder.

"Something's up," the Akimichi boy pointed out.

Ino paid close attention to Sasuke and what he was doing. He was wearing his usual clothes, but something was off.

"Why is he at a table that isn't handing out Tacos?" Ino asked nervously. "And what are those banners?"

"Dunno, they look kinda scary," Chouji admitted. "Those look like pamphlets."

"Those are pamphlets! Sasuke-kun is staring a cult!" Ino shrieked as she jumped to a completely unreasonable conclusion. "We have to warn the others!"

The teammates ran off and started searching for their friends. They found, and rescued, Sakura and Haku from Kakashi's proselytizing the virtues of Icha Icha. Shikamaru was trying his best to avoid the crowds and was easy to drag off.

They couldn't find Naruto and Hinata, but everyone had a pretty good idea of how that song and dance was going down.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Hinata was panting as she tried to keep up with Naruto. Naruto was pushing way too hard and his Shadow Clones were almost <em>too <em>enthusiastic. So, she decided to try something else. She pushed a bit of chakra into her feet and exploded into the air.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata called to get her boyfriend's attention as she spun one-hundred and eighty degrees in the air.

Naruto saw Hinata's outburst and passed the soccer ball. The Hyūga Heiress and prospective prophetess used her incredible flexibility and body control to execute a perfect bicycle kick.

The fertility cultist acting as a goalie couldn't react in time. Hinata had scored with Naruto in a completely new way! Naruto, Hinata, and the Clones celebrated for a bit.

The leader of the fertility cult approached Naruto and Hinata after a while and bowed. "That was a great game."

"Thank you for agreeing to be the other side," Hinata said genuinely. "As much fun as it is to play against Naruto, it just isn't the same as having a group of other people to play against."

"Understandable," the cultist naturally agreed. "I know you said before the match that you'd have to talk to your parents about learning more about our faith, but I'd like you to take these pamphlets to show them."

Naruto accepted the information the bowing man handed over. He opened the first and quirked an eyebrow at the last bit of information. "Are those coupons for 'Holy Shi: Take Out and Jerky Emporium?"

"Yes, one-tenth of all transactions from the restaurant are donated to faith-based community outreach and the Konoha Society for the Prevention of Animal Cruelty. We were a favorite of the Uchiha Clan for years because of our dedication to animal welfare!"

"Cool, I'll have to mention you guys to Sasuke." Naruto shrugged. "Well, Hinata-chan and I are going to go hang out with our friends now."

"Have fun and enjoy the Tacos!" the fertility cult rep said with a smile.

* * *

><p>"So, that's the short version. Sasuke was wearing a uniform, standing in front of a table with crazy banners, and was handing out pamphlets," Chouji explained.<p>

Haku sighed worryingly. "Did he ever spread his arms wide about halfway between his hips and shoulders?"

"He did!" Ino confirmed nervously.

"That sounds like he was preaching," Sakura gasped.

"I seriously doubt Sasuke is starting a cult," Shikamaru deadpanned.

Completely out of the blue, two civilians walked by. "You know, that Uchiha kid really converted me. I've had my eyes opened to the horrible things I've been allowing to happen in my own village."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes as his friends leveled withering glares in his direction. "I have been wrong in the past."

"So, what can we do about it?" Sakura asked.

"There's only one person Sasuke really respects and listens to," Haku announced. "I think Naruto is the only one who can pull Sasuke back from the brink."

"They both have the 'my parents were killed in some of Konoha's greatest tragedies' thing going'," Ino added helpfully. Completely tastelessly, but still helpful.

"Damn it, woman!" Shikamaru facepalmed.

* * *

><p>Sasuke bowed to what he thought was the final civilian of the night. He was really pleased by his outreach and recruiting. Konoha really needed to hear this information. It would be a great step in maintaing Konoha's status as the greatest shinobi village.<p>

"Excuse me, Uchiha-sama?" an older woman interrupted Sasuke's thoughts.

"Yes, ma'am?" Sasuke responded diplomatically. He was annoyed when people called him Uchiha-sama. Yes, he was technically the head of the Oldest Clan in Konoha, but he was still a Genin. Sasuke also felt he had not done enough to earn the title that so many powerful and respected shinobi had carried.

"I heard that you were handing out pamphlets for the Konoha Society for the Prevention of Animal Cruelty."

Sasuke nodded. "I was. The Society has been dormant for too long. After..well...after _that night_, there hasn't been much interest in reviving the Society."

"You would think the Inuzuka would take an active role in fighting against animal cruelty," the woman added.

"Oh, the Inuzuka Clan is a valuable ally in combating abuse, mistreatment and neglect. It's just...well...they go a bit further and have been advocating that animals in Konoha be given full human rights. The Society for the Prevention of Animal Cruelty has been divided on the issue. At this time, we are more focused on securing the welfare of all animals in Konoha."

"I see. Still, it is wonderful to see young people taking such a caring stance. Do you have any literature on the Society?"

Sasuke nodded. "I'm afraid I was not expecting such a great response. I will have to print out more pamphlets."

"Of course, have a pleasant evening Uchiha-sama."

"Same," Sasuke replied. The woman sauntered off.

"Hey~ Sasuke!" Sasuke heard Naruto shout from the other end of the street.

_'Please let it just be my best friend,'_ Sasuke silently hoped. Much to his dismay, Hinata was with Naruto. She arced a delicate eyebrow at the KSPAC banners and shot Sasuke a look that translated to _'So you aren't a soulless monster.'_

Sasuke responded with a look that translated to _'Like you aren't an obsessive witch sucking the life from my best friend.'_

"I never knew you liked animals," Naruto pointed out.

Sasuke nodded. "The Uchiha Clan has always supported animal welfare causes."

"Huh, that fertility cult wasn't lying in an attempt to recruit us..." Naruto thought out loud. "Anyway, how was your night? Not too crazy I take it?"

"Of course it wasn't crazy." Sasuke snorted. "Why would it be?"

**Author's Note: **Silly Sasuke, of course it was crazy. Then again, everyone but Neji is probably used to things by now...

Now for a question. I'm going to 100% take the top three samples and make them full fics. (Side Note: Everyone really, really likes Towards the Dawn) The question is I'm thinking of having a 'Vote threshold'. If a fic gets 80 or more votes (that's poll votes, reviews, and PM pleading/votes combined) should I also make those samples full on fics?

I'm not going to mention which fics are on the bubble as to not prejudice the voting. So, get to reviewing (at the Solvdrage 2014 Plot ADHD Asylum please), voting in the poll, and PMing me.

Don't forget to review this fic, I want to see how everyone reacted to the Sacred Tacos of the Shodai Hokage!


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